Heart Of The Innocent
by ITrustSnape
Summary: "But paradise is locked and bolted.We must make a journey around the world to see if a back door has prehaps been left open" Harry knows Snape is his father. Unfortunately for him, Snape doesn't. I don't own anything. Belongs to JKR.
1. Prologue

_I'm looking down into the eyes of hopelessness._  
_They're crying out to me._  
_I see the pain._  
_It's so much more than youth should know._  
_It tears me apart._  
_What can I do to change what I see?_  
_This vicious cycle must come to an end._

_Chorus:_  
_Can't you see?_  
_We're crushing the hearts of the innocent._  
_We're teaching them to fail. _  
_And how it breaks me to see how we're living _  
_And punishing the ones that need us to care._  
_To see them hurting_  
_Feels like knuckles to the back of my head._

_Where have the days gone_  
_That a promise was forever?_  
_Families stuck together._  
_We wonder why their generation struggles to get by?_  
_There's no one to help._  
_What can I do to change what I see?_  
_This vicious cycle must come to an end._

_Heart of the Innocent~ Kutless_

Harry jumped. He had awoken to yet another strange dream with a repulsive green light and a woman's wretched screaming. Scratch that. These dreams weren't so strange anymore. He finally understood where these dreams had come from. He knew now that these were not dreams, but memories.

When he had went into Diagon Alley with Hagrid the previous week, he had gotten some extra books on Dark Arts and Magical History. After he had skimmed through the books, he really knew what had taken place that night that his mom and James had died and he also knew the spell that had did it.

Harry had been under the impression that his adoptive-father and mother had died in a tragic car accident. When he had turned five, his aunt had callously shared with him the story and took sadistic pleasure in seeing him cry about it. He had believed her whole-heartedly until Hagrid visited him that fateful night on his 11th birthday.

It was sad when he perused the passage from the History book, seeing how James and his mom had died but at the moment, he didn't have time to linger on these unpleasant thoughts. For at the moment, it was 6:00 in the evening and he could smell the delicious scent of roast beef and potatoes. Sadly, he knew that he wouldn't be having that for dinner. He most likely get a piece of bread with a slice of cheese and a glass of water.

_Fat lard Dudley_.

Slowly sitting up, he knew he wasn't allowed to think unpleasantly of his relatives but it didn't help that their logic was contorted. _Why would you continuously give food to a son who could barely walk and continuously not give food to a nephew who was so skinny you could practically see through him? _Suddenly, his musings were interrupted when he heard the front door opening, signaling his uncle's return home from work. Harry started to panic. He should be outside doing his chores, not napping! He only came inside to lie down for a bit because he had not been feeling well. Now, he had overslept and was probably going to be in so much trouble. He sighed.

_3.…2.…1.…_

"BOY!"

Resigning himself to fate, he slid out of his bed and walked down the stairs with slow, heavy steps. Before he even hit the bottom step, he felt a hand slam into him on the side of the face, sending him flying into the wall. Harry could sense the anger raging in his uncle face.

"Boy! What the bloody hell do you think that you were doing?" his uncle said low and dangerously.

Harry's only reaction was to curl his legs towards his chest. He thought that maybe, if he explained to his uncle about him being sick today, his uncle would leave him alone, but he doubted that his uncle would listen.

"When I come home from a hard day of work, I expect your little list of chores to be finished. But what were you doing? Sleeping! Making your wonderful aunt slave around all afternoon finishing what you were supposed to be doing. You are going to haul your irresponsible arse into that kitchen right now and apologize for being an ungrateful. Selfish. FREAK!"

As his uncle leaned up to let him pass, Harry timidly got out of his position, knowing to get up swiftly and do whatever he was told.

He didn't argue or fight back. He learned that lesson early on in his life.

"_I won't! I won't! Duddy neva has to do anyfing! I won't! You can't make me!"_

_His aunt just stared at him, appalled at his outburst. Suddenly, her lips set in a severe line. She grabbed him by the arm and yanked him out of his cupboard. _

_He started kicking and yelling 'I won't!' over and over until his aunt deposited him in the upstairs loo. He watched through angry tears as she took a bucket and poured two bottles of cleaner together. His eyes widened as the mixture hissed._

_She grabbed his face in a hard grip and shook his face. "Never do that again."_

_She let him go and left the bathroom. He heard the door lock._

_He coughed and sputtered as he felt his throat burn. Every breath he took felt like liquid fire was flooding through his body. After what seemed like forever, his aunt came in with her nose and mouth covered with a rag. She dragged him out and forced him into his cupboard. _

"_Don't you ever disobey me like that again or I will lock you in there longer. Understand?"_

_He could only manage to nod._

He ran into the kitchen where his aunt had finished with dinner preparations. "Sorry, Aunt Petunia. I am sorry for," Harry swallowed, "being an ungrateful selfish freak." Harry finished quietly. His aunt snorted and thrust a pot full of peas into his arms for him to serve his uncle and fat cousin.

When the Dursleys were finished, Harry cleared the table and washed up. When he was finished, as quietly as possible, he went upstairs to his bedroom. When he was reaching for the door handle, he was pulled backwards by his hair, unto the landing. His head was yanked back and he dazedly watched as his uncle pointed at him with an empty bottle of booze in his other hand.

"Freak." and Harry could remember no more as that empty bottle of booze hit the side of his head.

XXXX

Severus Snape was angry.

No, he was beyond angry. He was livid. How dare Dumbledore refuse to give him the Dark Arts position again! Had he not proven himself more than good enough for the job? No. He was not good enough. Or as Dumbledore said in his calm and soothing voice, _it was not his time_. As he slammed the door to his office closed, he sat down behind his desk and summoned for a stiff drink. He needed one right now.

After he had had a couple of drinks, he was able to calm himself down enough to think clearly. He started to think about other things to get his mind off of another refusal from the headmaster. He thought about the upcoming school year instead.

_Oh how he was going to regret this year. The Potter spawn was coming to Hogwarts._

Severus had counted down each year, biding his time. Now that the year had arrived, he felt an immense load of satisfaction and dread. He longed to avenge himself against the Potter senior for the years of torment at his hands but he knew he would not be able to stand the site of the boy.

Tomorrow, he would be coming face to face with him and he did not know how to react. Severus secretly wished to sneer and hex the boy into oblivion but he knew he was being ridiculous. Dumbledore would not want his _precious _Harry to be hurt in any way, shape, or form. Severus gave a disgusted snort.

Standing up and stretching his aching limbs, he hauled himself into his bedroom and hit his bed without another thought as his drink started to take effect.

XXXX

The next day Harry woke up with a splitting headache and a overwhelming feeling of joy. Today, he was leaving the Dursley's 'home' and spending a whole year at Hogwarts. Jumping out of bed and ignoring the pounding of his head, he packed up everything in his small room. He didn't have much that he could call his but he didn't care at this point. All he could think about was leaving the Dursleys.

He started to chant quietly. _I'm leaving the Dursleys…The dreadful dreadful Dursleys…._

He was going to the magical world. The place where he wouldn't be considered a freak. Well, at least he hoped he wouldn't be considered one. He decided against thinking things like that and he was going to stay positive. He dragged his trunk downstairs where his uncle was reading the paper and his aunt was beginning breakfast. They ignored him which was just fine for him. He sat his trunk down by the door and went back upstairs to get a shower and get dressed for his trip.

After stepping out the tub, he dressed in the best clothes that he had and started to comb his hair. As he was brushing his hair, he winced as the brush hit the side of his face where there was a deep cut from where the bottle had hit the side his head last night.

He cringed and remembered the promise that he had made to himself many years ago. He was never, ever to tell anybody about the Dursleys. He couldn't take another punishment such as the one that he had received from trying to tell his second grade teacher about the Dursleys. His teacher had been shocked and had called a meeting with the Dursleys and the principal, where the Dursleys swore that he was a chronic attention-seeking liar and that they were 'respectable and upright' people who would never do a 'degrading' thing such as that. Being fools, the principal and teacher believed them and he had gotten the worst punishment ever that night when he had gotten home. He turned around and viewed the scar on his back from it.

_F.R.E.A.K._

That word was burned into the middle of his back so that he could, as his uncle had put it, remember all that he would ever amount to.

He jumped as he heard his uncle yell at him from downstairs, telling him that he was leaving. He quickly finished and ran downstairs, stumbling over one of shoe strings. His uncle let out a cruel laugh and walked out the door. Harry grabbed his trunk and hauled it to the car and got into the back. He watched the scenery as his uncle drove to the train station.

The car stopped. He looked around at the train station and felt nervous apprehension. This was it.

"Let me see your ticket, boy."

He gave his ticket to his uncle. He watched as his uncle got a trolley and with a sick sneer on his face, led him to the barrier. His uncle told him there is the platform and walked away, laughing his familiar cruel laugh. Feeling uneasy, Harry didn't know what to do until he saw a group of redheads moving towards the barrier. Then he knew that this wasn't a sick joke his uncle had had made up.

XXXX

The train had arrived. Severus watched from up at the school as he saw tiny figures moving out of the scarlet steam engine. He knew one of those figures had to be Potter. Walking away, he swiftly moved towards the Great Hall. He entered and sat in his usual spot beside the new Defense teacher, Quirrell. He sneered and looked around as he saw the older students moving to their house tables, laughing and catching up with one another.

As they sat down, their grating voices died away and Severus could hear their stomachs growling as they impatiently waited for the first years to make their entrance. He felt his own stomach give an uncomfortable twinge as well.

He stared intensely at the diminutive figures moved into the Great Hall, apprehensively following Minerva. He searched their faces for the one that he longed to see. He was forced to rove over the sea of heads a few times and was shocked to find not one of them looked like a young James Potter.

As Minerva unrolled the scroll and started to call the names, Severus still searched for the boy. He knew that he had to be among them. He knew he could not be wrong. He was never wrong. Giving up, he decided to just wait for the name to be called.

_Potter, Harry_

Severus sat straight up and watched at the boy as he moved forward and was disappointed to see that the boy didn't bother to look up. The boy walked towards the stool with his head down and sat with a straight back, unmoving. Severus began to feel impatient when he saw that the hat was taking his time with the boy. Probably praising him, arrogant prat.

_GRYFFINDOR! _

Figures.

The boy slid off of the stool and turned around to set the hat back down onto the stool. When he did, he briefly looked up and Severus got his first look at the boy he waited for so long to see. He felt his eyes widen as the boy turned back around with a pale expression on his face. _It can't be_, Severus thought. _It just can't be_. All thought of revenge and redemption faded from his mind as he watched the boy sit down beside the Weasley boy. And with one thought he sat back and stared down at his plate.

_**The boy looked nothing like his father.**_


	2. Salt On An Open Wound

_You take the breath right out of me._  
_You left a hole where my heart should be._  
_You got to fight just to make it through,_  
_'cause I will be the death of you._

_This will be all over soon._  
_Pour salt into the open wound._

_Is it over yet? Let me in_

_Breath~Breaking Benjamin_

After the feast had ended, Harry and his fellow Gryffindor dorm mates had went up to their room. Where most had fallen asleep instantly, Harry couldn't. Currently, Harry was sitting and looking out of the window, listening to the snores from his dorm mates. Harry had tried to sleep but it proved to be futile. He just couldn't seem to get the image of Professor Snape out of his mind.

_That couldn't have been the person James had told me about. The man had looked so dark….no…..sinister._

Harry was dumbfounded. Sitting at the head table had been the man that he had been dreaming about; the man that he had wanted to see ever since he had found out that he was his father. He recalled the conversation during the feast that he had had with Ron's older brother, Percy.

_"Percy who is that teacher talking to Professor Quirrell?" Harry asked._

_"Oh, that's Professor Snape, head of Slytherin house." Percy explained._

_For the rest of the feast, Harry sat quiet, feeling lost. He occasionally glanced back at the head table hoping to meet the man's eye just one more time_.

Harry felt cold. He curled himself into a ball and continued to look out of the window. Never before had he felt so small and so helpless as he had then. Even when his Uncle Vernon had been beating him, he had never known a pain like this. His father hated him. He had seen it when he looked up after sitting the Sorting Hat down. Harry had peered into the man's eyes. He had never seen so much loathing and hate inside of any one person before. How could someone hate someone else so much without even really knowing them? The Dursleys hated him. However, they had raised him and knew him. Not fully, but enough to know that he wasn't anything but a freak.  
_  
Maybe, Snape thought I wasn't anything but a freak too_.

Tears began to well up in his eyes at the thought. No. He wouldn't think those thoughts. Not until he knew for sure that Professor Snape did hate him.

Harry moved away from the window and plopped down in front of his trunk. He rustled around until he reached the very bottom and felt the letter that he had received over the summer. He had gotten this letter the night his Uncle Vernon had truly cracked and told them all to get packed up because they were going to go somewhere where 'they' couldn't find them. When he had went upstairs to get his things, there had been a tattered- looking owl peering at him. He had quickly grabbed the letter that the owl had had. The night before he turned 11, he had slowly taken the letter out of his pocket and read it. Too say that he had been shocked would have be an understatement.

_To my son, Harry,_

_If you are reading this, I am most likely dead. My one hope is that you have survived this godforsaken war along with your mother. My son, I am so proud of you. Mere words cannot express how much you mean to me and your mother. When I watched your birth, I had been scared and angry but when I finally saw you and held you for the first time all I could think about was watching you grow up and become a wonderful young man. You are mine in everything but blood. Sorry, my son, I am sure that you don't care about matters like that. You are probably wondering….In everything but blood? If your mother has not told you yet then I shall. I was always one not to follow the rules, just ask your uncles Padfoot, Moony, and Wormtail. Anyway, yes, Harry, I am not your biological father but I have made you my own in everything else that matters. I adopted you and made you my heir and I have loved you more then life itself. Before you become angry and irrational towards your mother, let me tell you the story. _

_Your mother is a kind and loving individual and has the tendency to do rash things. Two months before our wedding, she had wanted to go visit an old friend of hers. However, I did not know which friend that she had wanted to see but regardless, I respected her wishes and told her to be safe and to come home soon. She went, not knowing what to expect from this meeting. Nevertheless, she had been determined. Unfortunately, she had come home distraught and ashamed. She confessed to me to whom she visited and that she had done a terrible thing. As she told me the story, I will admit that I became angry, very very angry. I left her but came home a month later to hear the rest of the story. She had cried and explained that she had been having second thoughts and wanted someone to share her fears with. Things had gotten out of hand. She didn't love him but she had been to caught up in the past. She had once loved him but they had had a rather ugly falling out. I saw the truth and shame in her eyes as she begged for my forgiveness. Understanding what it was like to make mistakes, I forgave her but she said that she wasn't finished yet. She told me she was pregnant with you. I had wanted to hurt him but upon seeing your mother so distraught and full of remorse, I vowed to claim the child as my own and to raise him to be everything that your real father would hate._

_I feel ashamed for what I have done for revenge. Now that I have died, I cannot correct my mistakes. So I must ask you to do a favor for me. Harry, I implore you to tell him what I did not. Tell your father of your existence. Please help me correct a prideful man's mistake. The name of your biological father, Harry, is Severus Snape._

_I must go, Harry but remember that I love you and to never give up._

_Your Father,_

_James_

Harry sighed and rubbed his tired eyes as he folded up the letter from James. He put the letter away and crawled into bed. He pushed every thought of the potions master and the horrible truth to the back of his mind to be dealt with later. All he wanted right now was sleep.

XXXX

Severus Snape had never felt this old before. After the welcoming feast was over, he had immediately swept out of the Great Hall towards the dungeons where he had proceeded to make final preparations for his classes tomorrow. While he was doing so, he had contemplated on the Potter boy's mysterious looks. The boy did not look like his father but like someone else. His mother, Lily, perhaps? Yes, the boy had her small nose, smooth jaw line and of course, eyes. Those eyes had nearly stopped his heart. It had been like looking into Lily's eyes again. He growled. Damn boy.

It was troubling him greatly but he would have to think about it later. He needed to concentrate on his potion's lesson. He huffed. Another year with a class full of dunderheads. Honestly, Hogwarts should have a better standards than to except unworthy fools, every year, to grace these hallowed halls. He always complained to Albus about this but his opinions fell onto deaf ears. Albus would just smile and say the same, ridiculous statement every time.  
_  
"Severus, would you care to have a lemon drop?"_

Sometimes it was enough to just scream in frustration. He should just find another job. I mean, really.

XXXX

The next morning, Harry woke up earlier than the rest of his dorm mates. He stopped his alarm from going off and pulled his hangings open. Thankfully, the rest of the room's occupants were still asleep. Quickly, he gathered his toiletry kit and robes and headed to the washrooms. He got in the shower and out as fast as possible. He wrapped a towel around himself and checked to see if anyone else was in the bathroom. He didn't want anyone to see the scars that marked his back and arm. He dressed and combed his long curly hair, covering up his lightening bolt shaped scar and recent cut from his uncle.

He grabbed his bag and headed down to the Great Hall for breakfast. It took him forever to find it, which was another reason he was grateful that he had gotten up early. When he got there, he saw that most of Gryffindor table was full with older students and a couple first years such as the bushy haired girl he met on the train. He sat down and looked around at the mounds of food. He was still amazed at the sheer magnitude of it all. Greedily, he snatched some eggs and toast and began to eat. He was so focused on his food that he didn't even notice someone was watching him. When he reached for his pumpkin juice, he looked up and saw a girl staring at him with great interest.  
_  
A strange angel._

He had never seen anyone that looked as she did. She was beautiful but the features that made her beautiful were meshed together in a strange way. She had long curly ringlets that were pulled into two braids which covered her abnormally large ears which stuck out too far from her head. She was a nice shade of tan but when she moved her shirt moved up to reveal hideous scars that marred her skin. Her light blue, almost gray eyes were scary though. They reminded him of a dog he had seen once. When she smiled, she showed a set of pointy teeth that made her look demented.

"Hello. My names Trinti. Trinti Brown. I am a first year. What's your name?" she asked.

Harry swallowed.

"My name is Harry Potter." he said nervously hoping this time to make a friend and not another admirer.

"Ah. So you're the one they were talking about on the train? I wondered. Oh well. I was just curious because I had never seen anyone eat so fast before," she chuckled.

Harry smiled. He was beginning to like her and she didn't once look at his scar. Before he could reply, Ron showed up and at the same time that Professor McGonagall was handing out their timetables. Harry started to become nervous and stood up to head to his first class knowing that it would take him awhile to find it. Trinti stood up as well and showed that she was even shorter and tinier then he was. She offered to walk with him to class since they both had Transfiguration first. He said his goodbyes to Ron and headed to class. After walking around for almost 20 minutes, Ron came running up behind them and told them that they had to hurry because they were going to be late. No sooner than when Ron had said that, the bell rang and they started to run.

Arriving 10 minutes late to his first lesson wasn't how Harry had planned start out his first year at Hogwarts. His musings were quickly forgotten as McGonagall began teaching. Harry was fascinated. He wanted to learn so much and he began to fear that he wouldn't have the time. When the lesson ended, he, Ron, and Trinti headed to the rest of their classes with as much anticipation as they had for their first lesson.

XXXX

Severus had just finished up with a class full of hopeless Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff fifth years. After he had stressed the importance of the O.W.L.S, he proceeded to teach on the Draught of Peace. After one foolish Hufflepuff had managed to foul up their potion beyond repair, his mood had turned just as foul. He then assigned them a rather long and tedious essay and dismissed the irritating class. He knew his next class was not going to be any better than his previous one.

_First-years Slytherins and Gryffindors._

He went into his office to retrieve his class notes and for a bit of fun decided to make a rather dramatic entrance to scare the poor spineless brats. As he banged the door open, all of the class jumped and some even gasped. He sneered with pleasure. Oh. How he _loved _to do that.

"You are here to learn the subtle science and exact art of potion making. As there is little foolish wand-waving here, many of you will hardly believe this is magic. I don't expect you will really understand the beauty of the softly simmering cauldron with its shimmering fumes, the delicate power of liquids that creep through human veins, bewitching the mind, ensnaring the senses," he paused for a moment to let the poor, unfortunate souls catch up, "I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, even stopper death-if you aren't as big a bunch of dunderheads as I usually have to teach."

His eyes swept the room making sure to make eye contact with every student to drive his point home. Rage filled him when he saw that the Potter brat was writing down something instead of listening to his speech. _How dare he? That arrogant spoiled brat_. He was starting to prove himself to be just like his father. Ah well. He was about to learn to never come across the wrath of Severus Snape.

"Then again maybe some of you have come to Hogwarts in possession of abilities so formidable that you feel confident enough to - not - pay - ATTENTION!"

He watched as the Granger girl elbowed the boy causing him to look up timidly which enraged him even more.

"Mr. Potter, our new- _celebrity_." He smirked.

He stared straight into the boys eyes and asked, "What would I get if I added powered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?"

Severus watched as the boy glanced at the Weasley boy and notice the blank look that adorned his side-kick's face. His expression fell and Severus felt an immense load of satisfaction at this. He was going to bring the boy down from his self-imposed pedestal.

"I don't know, sir," said Harry.

Severus' lips curled into a sneer.

"Tut, tut. Clearly fame isn't everything, is it, Mr. Potter?"

He watched as the boy slowly looked around the room, his cheeks burning red in embarrassment.

"Let's try again. Potter, where would you look if I told you to find me a bezoar?"

"I don't know, sir."

"Thought you wouldn't open a book before coming, eh, Potter?"

Severus observed the boy lower his head and tears form in his eyes. The boy didn't fight back. Interesting.

"I see. Here is an easier one for you. Let's hope you can understand this question. What is the difference, Potter, between monkshood and wolfs bane?"

"I don't know, sir," the boy mumbled clearly distressed.

Severus smirked and his eyes glinted, "For your information, asphodel and wormwood make a sleeping potion so powerful it is known as the Draught of Living Death. A bezoar is a stone taken from the stomach of a goat and it will save you from most poisons. As for monkshood and wolfs bane, they are the same plant, which also goes by the name of aconite. These were a few simple questions and yet you cannot seem to answer them. Tut, tut. Pity, isn't it?"

His gaze swept from the boy to the rest of the class and he said softly, "Well? Why aren't you all copying this down?"

The class scrambled together to remember what he just said. The rest of the period was spent taking notes. As the class was doing this, he kept glancing at the boy. He noticed some things that disturbed him. The boy was clearly hot but insisted on wearing long sleeves. Also, he noticed, that the boy had long hair that kept his scar hidden along with a deep gash on his temple.

_I wonder why he is trying to hide his scar. Severus mused_

_Probably wants people to ask to see it. With that thought, he snorted._

XXXX

"What does Snape have against you, I wonder?" Trinti was musing, "I mean you were writing down everything that he said but he didn't seem to take the time to look at what you were writing. But instead, he criticized you for writing. At least you were paying attention unlike some of us." At this Trinti glared at the passing Malfoy and his Slytherin cronies. "What is up with that do you think?"

"I know! Harry, you should do something about it. It isn't fair." Ron put in when Trinti stopped for a breath.

Harry was thankful that he was not alone in this. He had wondered the same thing when they had been taking notes. He had been furious and he still was.

_How dare that man? This man is supposed to be my father?_

Harry wondered irritably. He had been writing down every word that the man had said just to make him happy. He had just wanted to impress him and show he was someone that was worthy to be praised. He didn't have a clue as to how he was supposed to tell him the truth now. How could he, when the man clearly had some sort of personal vendetta against him?

"I know you guys," Harry whispered in his quiet voice, "Life isn't fair though and that's not about to change just because I go runnin' to McGonagall. Thanks though."

"Harry, that isn't true and you know it. He didn't say anything to the Slytherins. He just picked on you and even if you don't think so, it's wrong. Now, how about we get to Charms? I hear that its supposed to be the best class. That's what my mom says. Ron! Stop walking so damn fast. Geez…."

Harry smiled. He hoped that their friendship would last awhile. He didn't know how he could have made it through the rest of the day without her or Ron.

XXXX

Harry went to the rest of his lessons and had decided to skip dinner. For the remainder of the day he had remained silent, ignoring Ron and Trinti's attempts at conversation. At the moment, he couldn't help but feel hopeless. With a sudden flash of insight, he decided to do something to make the man like him. He rushed up to his dorm and laid down trying to think of something that would impress Professor Snape. Finally, he sat up with a grim smile on his face. He was going to study everything he possibly could about Potions.

Harry quickly jumped up, went into the common room, and hurried to the portrait hole.

"Harry, wait up. I wanna come with you."

He looked around to see Trinti coming towards him with a smile on her face. They walked out of the portrait hole together and walked towards the library. They needed to hurry in order to get back to the common room before curfew.

"Where are you going?"

"Library. Why did you want to come with me?"

Trinti gave him a sideways look and blushed. "You wouldn't talk to me or Ron after potions class and I was worried that maybe I had said something to upset you…"

Surprised Harry answered, "Oh. I'm sorry bout that. I was just thinking about some stuff. I wasn't mad at you."

They entered the library and Trinti asked what they were looking for, offering to help him. He asked her to find as many potion books as she could. She looked like she wanted to protest but she did what he asked anyway.

"Harry, may I ask what possessed you to get all of these potion books? This is crazy, man! We have so much homework already. Why are you adding to that?"

Harry sighed. "You know why I have to do this. I can't look like a fool in front of Professor Snape again. I am not a stupid person and I don't want to give him any reason to make it seem like I am."

"All right. But please, don't overdo it."

After leaving the library, they slowly walked to the tower with their arms heavily leaden with books. When they reached the common room, Ron walked up to them and took some books from Trinti, sitting them on the table. With a raised eyebrow he picked up one of the books from the stack but he quickly put it back down, as if it was dangerous or something.

"Why did you guys check out every book on potions? This is sick. Isn't one enough?"

"Harry and I just wanted to do some 'light' reading. Goodness, Ron. You act like it's a crime."

Ron just stuck his tongue out at Trinti and she flipped a rather 'nice' gesture of her own back at him. Which, in turn, lead to a extremely competitive chess match with each of them, wanting to prove that they were better than the other.

Harry looked at his enormous stack of books, wisely deciding to leave Ron and Trinti to their fun. Sighing, he decided to tackle the first one in the stack, which was _Healing Potions of the 20th Century_. He had to start somewhere.

**He was determined to impress this man, even if it took everything in him.**


	3. This Means Nothing Nothing At All

_In a perfect world_  
_This could never happen_  
_In a perfect world_  
_You'd still be here_  
_And it makes no sense_  
_I could just pick up the pieces_  
_But to you_  
_This means nothing_  
_Nothing at all_

_ Perfect World~ Simple Plan_

The rest of the month flew by fast for Harry. He was currently sitting in the common room, rewriting his transfiguration essay for the third time this week. Every time that he had rewritten it, he always seemed to find mistakes when he reread over it.

Now, it was becoming late and his friends had already went up to bed. He looked up at the clock. It was 2:00 in the morning. He let out a sigh. He knew that Trinti was going to say something about this at breakfast the next morning. She was worried about him and he knew that Ron was as well though he wasn't as vocal about it. Her incessant questioning and his vague answers had become the norm during breakfast for the past month. He knew that they meant well but he couldn't help but feel annoyed by her questioning and Ron's worried looks. They just didn't understand what it was like for him. They both were blessed with parents and families to go home to, Harry wasn't.

As he finished the last line of his essay, Harry bit back a yawn and rubbed his tired eyes. He knew that he should go to bed but he didn't see the point when he could be getting a little bit more reading in before he had to get ready for the day. He was going to be getting up soon anyway.

He reread his essay and smiled when he finally found it to be satisfactory. Ron had kept saying that he was becoming obsessive with his grades but Harry just started to tune him out. He felt that his grades was his business so it didn't matter what Ron had to say about them.

More often than not, he had been finding himself becoming irritable at the most trivial of things. Small noises, such as quills scratching or people breathing, would drive him absolutely barmy. Two weeks ago, he yelled at Seamus in class to stop writing his notes so loud. Seamus had just glared at him and moved on to a different table. After that incident, people stopped sitting by him and he still felt horrible about it. He wanted to make friends when he began at Hogwarts but he needed to keep his grades up so that his father wouldn't find him to be a disappointment.

He snuck up to his dorm to obtain the book about Gringotts that he borrowed from the library. When he had read about the break- in at the wizarding bank one morning at breakfast, he wanted to know all he could about what the wizard or witch that had broke in had to go through. What had made this little inquiry of his even more interesting was the vault that the wizard or witch broke into was the one that Hagrid and him had visited earlier that very same day in Diagon Alley. He had wondered what was it that Hagrid had taken out of the vault and why did it seem to be so important? He figured that he should ask Hagrid about it but it was hard to find the time to. He had large amounts of class work that needed to be completed.

Two hours later, Harry put his book down and went up to his dorm to get his toiletry kit and robes for his shower. After he showered and dressed, he realized that it was still early so he decided that he could use this time to think.

He exited the portrait hole and ignored the complaining of the Fat Lady and made his way towards the Astronomy Tower. That was his favorite spot. He had discovered this sanctuary when he had taken a trip to clear his mind after a grueling Quidditch practice. As he entered the very top of the tower and felt the dewy morning air on his face, he smiled. He hadn't smiled like this since the time when he had saved poor Neville's Remembrall from Malfoy.

_Oh how much he loathed that Malfoy prat._

Harry walked over to the edge and sat down looking at the astonishing colors of the early morning. He loved it up here. He felt that this was the only place at Hogwarts where nothing was expected of him. He could just be Harry here and no one would say anything against it.

**He didn't have very many times when he could be that way**.

XXXX

Severus Snape was convulsing in his sleep. He was having the same dream he had been having ever since the night after the Welcoming Feast. As he tossed and turned in his bed, he started to occlude his mind but to no avail.

**_He watched as Lily moved in front of a small crib._

"_No, no! You can't take him."_

_A high pitched voice demanded, "Stand aside, you silly girl."_

_Lily looked desperate. Severus could do nothing to help her, all he could do was watch as the little boy behind his mother lean around to peer at the man._

"_Not Harry! Take me, kill me instead!"_

_Lily, the only one he ever loved, died in a flash of green light. In complete anguish, he looked up to see a small pair of green eyes, peering up at him."Dada, what happened to mummy?"**_

Severus jolted awake. He quickly sat up and pressed the heels of hands into his eyes. Taking calming, meditative breaths, he shook the last of the horrifying dream away. Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, he gathered up his stuff to get ready for the day.

While he was getting ready, he thought about the dream that kept interrupting his sleep. Why did he keep dreaming this particular dream? Why did he keep dreaming about Lily's death? And an even better, more pressing question, Why in the hell was he dreaming about the Potter boy being his son?

Turning these questions over in his mind, he walked out of his private quarters and went to go set up his classroom for the day.

XXXX

Harry had watched the sun until it had fully risen over the dark forest. Looking at his watch, he sighed and wished to stay atop the tower but he knew he would have to face reality.

A **cold, **_harsh _reality.

As he climbed down the steps, he felt a familiar nervous feeling that he usually felt when he walked the halls at Hogwarts. He supposed that he was to feel secure and carefree within these walls but he didn't. He felt like someone or _something _constantly watched him and followed every move he made. He wondered if maybe he was going insane or if there was someone that watched him.

He was about the turn the corner towards the main hallway when he heard something. Whipping around, he looked around frantically for the source of the noise. Then he heard it again. This time it wasn't behind him but all around him. It sounded like the rumbling of millions of voices. He held his hands to his ears, he whimpered, and backed up until he hit the wall.

"Potter?"

XXXX

Severus was walking down the hallway on the way to the Great Hall for breakfast. He mulled over the dream that he had had. The thing that bothered him most was not Lily dying, even though it had troubled him greatly, but the little boy that had looked at him. Those eyes is what had bothered him. He had never seen eyes like that before. The eyes seemed to draw you in and hold you prisoner. Severus felt a pang of uneasiness. What was it about the Potter boy that bothered him so? What is-

He stopped dead when his eyes became set upon the very boy he had been thinking about. The boy was whimpering like a wounded animal and cringing.

"Potter?"

As the boy's head was turning around, Severus felt the familiar hateful feeling welling up inside of him.

"What are you whinging about? Lost your way _again? _Even you should know your way around by now." Severus snubbed.

"Nothing, sir. It is just a headache. Thank you for your concern." The boy looked down at his feet and spoke with such deference that Severus felt bile rise in his throat.

_Potter, The Noble Gryffindor._ **Albus would be proud.**

Severus moved forward and snapped, "Five points from Gryffindor for blocking the hallway and wasting my time."

XXXX

_Utter rubbish_.

Harry gritted his teeth as he walked behind his father to the Great Hall. When they arrived, Harry sat down and poured himself some pumpkin juice. Right now, he didn't care about his father's snide attitude, he had bigger problems to worry about.

_What was that?_ He wondered as he sipped his juice. It had felt like his head was going to explode. He had heard so many voices all at once and he couldn't work out what they had been saying.

Harry stared at a spot on the far wall above the Slytherin table as he set his goblet down. He contemplated his problem but shook his head. It was an unproductive way to spend his valuable time. With that thought, he rose from his seat and wandered from the Great Hall towards his first lesson in History of Magic. He hoped he grabbed a good seat in the back so that he could maybe catch a little sleep. He was already three chapters ahead of the class and felt he needed a break.

As Harry left, he didn't realize that two sets of eyes followed him out the Great Hall, wondering and trying to figure the peculiar boy out.

XXXX

Harry frowned. He couldn't think of any reason that would make someone hate him. He had his faults but he tried his hardest to stay out of crowds and keep to himself. He didn't burden people with his opinions or troubles. He felt that he could handle every situation by himself. Growing up at the Dursley's, he had to learn to be self-sufficient or he wouldn't have been able to survive.

Harry pushed back the memories of his childhood that threatened to overwhelm him. He needed to focus on the present and couldn't let himself be overtaken by the past. He took deep breaths and calmed down. He couldn't let people see his pain or they will ask questions. At the moment, he didn't feel like making up flimsy lies that would cover the truth.

He walked into History of Magic and he cleared his mind. As he did so, he put on his usual impassive mask. He sat in the back and took out his text, positioning it accordingly. He was determined to get a nap. He watched the rest of the class shuffle in and laid his head down. Harry fell asleep the instant his head hit the desk.

XXXX

"Harry?"

"What?"

"Are you studying again?"

"Yea…."

"But Harry…"

"Merlin Trinti! What is this? 20 questions?"

Harry sat at the lunch table and revised his potions essay for the fifth time. Trinti and Ron were both looking at him with exasperated expressions. He didn't want to deal with their questions, he simply wanted to finish his homework.

"Shud. UP. Harry. All I am doing is asking you a question."

"Fine, since I can't do any work in here, I'll go outside."

Harry gathered up his many things and headed outside into the bright sunshine, hoping to finish this blasted potions essay. He picked his favorite spot underneath the old tree that sat next to the lake.

"Can I sit down next to you?"

He squinted up and who should be there? None other than, Trinti.

"Are you going to pester me?

"No."

"Then, I guess so."

They sat that way for a moment. Until Trinti started to talk to him about something. Harry decided that he should just listen and hopefully she would go away.

"…I am just worried about you Harry. I wanted to help you by getting those potions books but I didn't know that I would have to be talking to their covers all the time. What's bugging you?"

Harry sat down his quill and sighed, "Its complicated, Trin….You wouldn't understand…."

"Then make me. I would leave you alone if you told me the truth. I want to do well in Potions just as much as you do but I am not losing sleep and not eating because of it."

Harry debated about telling her the truth or not. He trusted her but this secret was enormous. _You just don't go spouting random nonsense like Professor Snape happens to be my real dad. Besides, how would you even say that without looking bloody mad?_

"Fine. You see…the thing is….Well…"

After she watched him try to open up to her, Trinti sighed and figured that maybe he would need more time. "Harry, I would love for you to tell me what the problem is but I don't want you to feel like you have too. I'm not like that. If it's this big a' deal then you don't need to say anything. Honestly, we haven't known each other for long. Me mum would always tell me that 'you may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you do not trust enough.' I never understood why she would say that to me. She was always drunk at the time…Me mum is almost never sober really…."

Trinti looked out over the lake and smiled a sad smile. Harry felt his heart clench. Trinti didn't have a perfect family after all. Maybe she would understand. Maybe she would know what it is like to have no one….Maybe.

"What 'bout your dad? Is he around?"

Suddenly, Trinti stiffened almost as if Harry cursed her. "My dad is never around. Me mum says that he drove her to drink. He got himself locked up, after I was just born, for killin' loads a' people. She just told me that he was a 'good for-nothing bastard who left her with a good-for-nothing child.' He cast shame upon my family name. So, my mom had to change my name and take herself out of society to avoid the ridicule. He ruined our lives for his own selfish motives."

She smiled a deranged -looking smile and looked at Harry. She continued, "We used to be rich, or so my mom says. When my dad got locked up, we weren't able to access his money and my mom just gave up on life, I guess. I grew up with my grandmother but when she died when I was 7, my mom and me moved from place to place until I came to Hogwarts."

Harry didn't know what he could say. He figured it would be only fair to tell her about Snape but, in reality, he was scared. _To say out loud that your dad hated you, makes it seem so much more real._

"I would say I'm sorry Trinti but I know that you wouldn't want pity. That makes things seem worse in a way. I guess I could tell you but you have to promise never ever to tell anyone. Never."

Trinti looked at him and just stared, silently asking him to go on. "All right."

"After I had gotten my Hogwarts letter, another came for me. It was from James. My_ adoptive fathe_r."

Harry gulped and quietly mumbled the rest of the story, praying for Trinti to not think of him as a freak.

"Wow. Harry. I see why you want the potion books….I guess it sucks that your father hates you…"

"Thanks, Trinti. You make me feel so much better."

"No no. That's not what I meant. I meant that I understand what you are doing. But Harry…How will he know if you never tell him? I mean….I don't have a father who is there. I wish every day for him to come home but I know that will never happen. I can never have a father, Harry. But you can. He is right here. All you have to do is to reach out to him. Don't let fear rule you. You will regret one day not telling him."

"I don't know. It's not that easy. Sometimes, I get all worked up to tell him the truth and then poof! I freeze up. Besides, I am not what he wants. I am nothing but a freak."

"What? You are not a freak. Where did you hear a silly thing like that? I bet you anything that Snape would love to know the truth. That's what I think that he values above anything else. Me mum would say to me that 'truth is not only violated by falsehood; it may be equally outraged by silence.' Harry, I'm not saying that you should tell him right now. But I do think that you should tell him. My mum, though drunk, is almost always right."

"I don't know."

"Just think 'bout it. Besides we are going to be so late if we don't hurry our arses up for class."


	4. Who is the Master? Who is the Slave?

_Who is the master? Who is the slave?_

_Treat me like a curse_  
_Then tell me I'm your saviour_  
_I'm never with the stranger_  
_I used to know so well_  
_Waiting for your answer_  
_Is a kind of torture_  
_Could I grow accustomed to this kind of hell?_

_ Voices~ Madonna_

"Well, well… Look who decided to show up. .."

"But sir, we are only two minutes late."

"A pity, Miss Brown. Twenty points from Gryffindor. Detention, Mr. Potter! Meet me in my office at 8:00 tomorrow night."

"But sir, I am going to miss the feast."

Snape smirked and walked to the front of the classroom and put the instructions for their assignment on the board. Harry and Trinti sat down behind Ron and the bushy-haired girl, Hermione. Harry grumbled and set up his cauldron.

"How come he gave you detention and not me?" Trinti whispered.

Harry just shrugged his shoulders and proceeded to do his potion. He didn't even need to look at the board because he had studied this on his own weeks ago.

Harry was beyond upset. Ever since he had heard about the Halloween feast, he had been looking forward to it. He would have loved to been around all his friends and eaten until he thought that he would explode but now, there wasn't a chance of it happening.

Thirty minutes later, Harry was almost complete with his potion. As per usual, the potion was perfect. The consistency and color matched the description in his text. He wouldn't except anything less from himself. He was determined to win this battle with himself and the potions master. No matter how hard it seemed, he was going to get his father to love him.

Through his ruminations, he didn't notice the pungent odor permeating the dungeon class room. Trinti's potion had started to bubble over and sent out acid green smoke which made the people around her slowly move away, trying to avoid Professor Snape's ire. Harry covered his nose and looked at Trinti. Her blue-gray eyes were filled with tears that were threatening to spill over into her cauldron.

Keeping his voice a mere whisper, he hissed at her, "I don't think tears are an ingredient in a boil curing potion."

Trinti roughly rubbed her eyes and shot Harry a withering glare, "I'm not crying."

Harry felt sorry for her because she couldn't seem to get this potion stuff right. She was at a total loss at the art even with the extra tutoring she was receiving from a seventh year.

"Hmm…Looks like this is going to suck…Mum is going to literally skin me this time…She told me that if I didn't get good grades that she was going to make me work all summer and not be able to visit anybody…."

Suddenly, a loud hissing filled the dungeon and the potion started sweeping across the stone floor, burning holes in people's shoes. The whole class began standing on their stools while Trinti moaned in agony as red boils sprang up all over her arms and legs.

"Don't worry Trin. It's only the beginning of the year… I am sure that you will get better…" Harry murmured.

"I wouldn't count on that, Mr. Potter."

Startled, they looked up to see Professor Snape standing over them. Harry shuddered with an unexpected feeling of loathing, which he didn't seem to understand. Trinti held a blank face and just kept glancing back and forth between her potion and the professor.

"Looks like you messed up _yet _another potion. You idiot child! I did not believe that there could be someone worse then Longbottom! Alas, I believe I stand corrected."

Trinti gulped and paled as the red boils on her arms and legs began to fester. She bent down and started to wipe the mess up off of the floor.

Professor Snape cleared the mess up with a wave of his wand and snarled, "Weasley! Take her to the hospital wing."

Ron glared at the overgrown bat with every inch of hatred he could muster.

Harry, however, went back to his potion and bottled it, not wanting to get into even more trouble.

XXXX

Deciding to skip dinner, Harry retreated to Gryffindor tower after classes. He didn't want to be around his friends. He needed time alone to think.

He had hated how Snape treated Trinti but he couldn't help that. _Well_, maybe he could….But that was only a last resort. He swore to himself_. Why couldn't anything ever be easy?_ He hadn't asked to be what he was. Sometimes he wished that he had never been born. It was awful to think something like that but he felt that if he had never been born then maybe everyone would still be happy and alive.

He stopped at the window and watched as the rain came pelting down onto the glass. The weather seemed to fit his mood at the moment. He was tired, _so_ very tired….

He stayed there awhile just watching the rain, filling his mind up with ideas on what could have been, when he jumped as he heard a voice behind him. He spun around but there was nobody there.

_Odd_.

He looked up and down the hallway he was on but he couldn't see anything or anybody.

Then, the voice came again but louder this time. There were too many voices now.

Way too many..

_Not again_, Harry thought. He covered his ears but to no avail. Whatever these voices were, they wanted to be heard.

Harry whimpered and bit his lip. Sliding down the wall, he mumbled in a strange voice that was not his own….

_Must protect and serve. The stone is precious….Must protect and serve. __**traitor…traITOR…. TRAITOR!.**_

Harry began breathing in and out with slow, methodical breaths. He didn't understand what was going on but he knew something bad was going to happen. When exactly, he wasn't sure, but he knew that it will be soon.

Shakily, he stood up and shook his head to clear the fog that was surrounding his mind. Harry walked to the loo, feeling unusually queasy.

XXXX

"Hey mate, where have you been? You alright?"

Harry walked into Gryffindor tower to find Ron sitting in the abandoned common room near the fire. He was writing his Transfiguration essay that was due tomorrow, first thing in the morning.

"Yea. I'm fine. Just exhausted. This weather isn't helping either. Ron, that is due tomorrow. Why are you just starting it now?"

"I was busy."

"With what?"

"Ummm..you know… things…"

"Ah. I see. Sleeping and eating must take up so much of your energy. I would hate to see you fall apart."

Ron made a face at Harry and stuck his tongue out. "Whatever Harry. At least I do those things…"

Then, it was Harry's turn to make a face. He went up to the boys dorm and got the book on Gringotts that he had been reading. He was almost finished with it. When he finished, he would start on _Hogwarts, A History_. Harry went down to the common room and handed Ron some caffeine pills that had been keeping him awake all those late nights.

"What is this?"

"Muggle medicine, Ron. One night, a fifth year girl and I were the only ones awake and we were both studying. She took a pill and offered me one. I was hooked. She gave me a magazine where you can order them through owl post. They help you stay awake but don't take more than one. It will be enough. Trust me."

After explaining on how to take them, Ron drunk one down and continued on his essay. Harry, also, took one and started to read. Around 11, Trinti walked in the portrait hole and waved to them. She looked worn out from her tutoring session with the seventh year. She sleepily walked up to the girls dormitory after yawning a good night to them.

They were in for a longgg night.

XXXX

Severus Snape was currently tossing and turning. Trying, in vain, to get some sleep.

He had always been a haunted man. Those beautiful green eyes….He couldn't chase them from his mind. He threw back the covers and laid there looking at the ceiling. Slowly his eyes closed…

_Waste away, I'm crawling blind_

_Followed by what I left inside_

_For you, just you_

_I'm caught in place_

_But I ignore_

_What I can't erase…_

"Severus, do you remember me?"

"Lily?"

"Severus….Severus….Remember me…He needs you…"

"Lily. LILY!"

_I will run and hide til'_

_Memories fade away_

_And I will leave behind a_

_Love so strong_

"Don't forget the past so easily, Severus…"

Visions of his childhood….His mistake….his darkest and most deep memories…

A lily grew up from the hard earth beneath his feet and twisted around him, binding his limbs together.

Without warning, a fire began to consume him and those green eyes stared at him, lifeless. Those eyes transformed into those of a familiar boy who looked so scared…so hopeless…so gone..

_Close my eyes, these voices stay_

_Haunting me, I can't escape_

_And for you, just you_

_Time will always wait_

_While I throw away_

_What I can't replace_

"Daddy. Oh daddy… Forgive me…"

The little boy touched his forehead and Severus felt a pain he could not even begin to describe…

He looked down and reflected in the pools of blood that had gathered at his feet was a lightening shaped scar placed in the same spot as the little boy…

He touched it and looked up….everyone was gone….

He cried out into the darkness, mourning the loss of his flower.

_I will run and hide _

_And I will leave behind _

_I will run and hide 'til_

_Memories fade away_

_And I will leave behind a_

_Love so strong_

_I will never find…_

Severus snapped awake. Breathing in deeply, he looked at his clock and saw that it was time to get ready for his day.

He got up with the last of the disturbing dream fading from his mind.

A/N:The song in this chapter is Hide by Red. I do not own it. Or any of the other bits of song in my chapters. I give credit where credit is due.


	5. When The Top Of The World Falls On You

"Harry….Ron…what is going on with you guys? You look dead."

Harry and Ron were sitting at the breakfast table with blank expressions. Ron was eating everything in sight, as usual, and Harry was not eating anything at all. Trinti was sitting there, looking from pale face to pale face, with a grim smile.

"We were up late last night, Trin. I needed to finish my transfiguration essay and Harry was keeping me company."

This explanation didn't seem to pacify Trinti. Her smile turned into a face of unconcealed anger. Oddly enough, she did not seem to be as angry at Ron as she was at Harry.

"I understand why you were up, Ron. But why was Harry up again?" Ron looked uneasily over at Harry who seemed to be trembling and looking above the Slytherin table.

"Leave him alone, Trinti. He can make decisions for himself. Besides, we are both tired and don't need this right now."

"That's not the point Ron. Harry never sleeps or eats. He--"

"Shut up Trin. Leave me alone, ok? I just want to get classes over with. I don't want to talk about this right now."

Trinti fell silent and looked at Harry, who seemed dazed and exhausted. He didn't even seem to be mad at all. Truth be told, he looked dead. He was pale and had rings around his eyes. This had become a normal look for him though.

Harry got up and trudged to the Great Hall doors and stopped for Ron and Trinti to catch up. Little did he know, a very old and concerned pair of eyes followed him. When they left, these eyes strayed over to another very tired man, who was consumed in the morning paper and cup of coffee.

XXXX

Severus Snape was reading the morning paper and sipping his second cup of coffee. He didn't usually like to drink the disgusting stuff. However, desperate times call for desperate measures.

He blamed the Potter boy for his sleepless nights. Ever since the Welcoming Feast, he had not been able to get a single good nights sleep. He kept having nightmares that didn't seem to make any sense. They all seemed to involve fire, scars, and those beautiful green eyes.

He felt someone staring at him and he looked up to see the calm, blue eyes of the headmaster. He sent a questioning look at the headmaster and the headmaster just gave him a small nod and looked away. Severus had the odd feeling that there was something more to the stare but he was too tired to figure it out. He got up and went to his first class.

Slowly.

XXXX

The day passed quickly. Too quickly for Harry's liking. He was having detention with Snape tonight and he was not looking forward to it. Maybe it was the uneasy feeling he had or maybe something was really happening to him. He felt _different_ all day. He couldn't explain it but he felt like he wasn't himself. He felt like he was someone else. Not to mention, he had the worst headache of his life.

"Merlin Trinti! Stop talking so loud!"

"Harry, I was just whispering to Ron…"

"Well, stop. I can hear it."

"How can you hear it? Ron can barely hear me and he is sitting right beside me."

"Whatever. I need to get out of here. The light is too bright anyway."

"Harry? Are you ok? You seem really pale…Maybe you should go to Madam Pomfrey…"

Harry rubbed his temples and grinded his teeth. "No. I'm ok. I think I just need to lie down before detention. I think that its _nerves_."

With a look of understanding, Trinti nodded and went back to her homework. Ron looked back and forth between her and Harry. He could tell something was up. However, he did not want to bother his best friend.

XXXX

Harry walked up to Gryffindor tower with slow steps. Every step felt like his head was being ripped in two. He didn't want to go to the hospital wing because…well…he didn't want Madam Pomfrey to see his little "problem".

He got up to his dorm room and smiled at Neville, who was reading his herbology book. Neville was a quiet boy, who was terribly misfortunate. Harry felt sorry for him. He was really nice and didn't deserve all that seemed to happen to him.

He plopped down on his bed and curled up into a tight ball. His headache was getting worse and tears of pain started to leak out of his eyes. He was used to pain but this….this was unbearable. He slowly fell asleep and was startled awake sometime later by Ron who was shaking him and telling him it was almost 8.

He shot awake and felt the familiar headache beating at his brain.

"You alright mate? You are shaking. You sure you can make it to detention?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just need to sit here for a few."

Ron hesitated. He was about to ask about what had happened earlier but the flushed complexion of his friend made him wary. Something was terribly wrong.

"Ok but it is 7:45. You should probably get going in five minutes. You don't want to give Snape any more excuses to give you trouble."

"Snape doesn't need any excuses to give me trouble."

Ron laughed and closed the door, leaving Harry to get ready.

XXXX

_Knock, Knock._

"Come in Potter."

Harry gently opened the door to the potions masters office. His head was pounding in the same rhythm as his heart. This was his fathers office. He looked around at the various ingredients and neat stacks of paper on the desk. His bloodshot eyes traveled to the impassive face of his father.

"Now that you have taken up my time by your worthless wonderings, you will sit down."

"Yes, sir."

Harry sat on the stool by the desk and looked down.

"I want you to clean out the potion vials that I have set out for you. Then, when you are finished, you will dry them and bottle the potion that is brewing on the desk. It is very important that you do not spill it or get it on yourself because it is a very potent potion and it will burn. Knock on my door when you are finished and I will come and inspect your work."

Harry looked into the empty classroom and gulped. He thought that he would be cleaning out cauldrons or something. Not anything dangerous.

"Well, get to it, boy!"

Harry scrambled to the desk and filled the empty sink with scalding hot water and set to work.

Snape snorted and went back to his grading, not wanting to be near the idiot boy.


	6. Sit down, Your Sinking::

Harry had scrubbed the vials until he could see his reflection in each of them. He had cleaning solution on his nose and he had accidentally spilt some of the hot water down his front. Looking around, making sure no one could see him, he lifted the front of his shirt and silently groaned when he saw the big burn mark down his front. Great, he thought, that's going to leave a scar.

_He seemed to have an overabundance of them._

He started to tilt some potion into each vial, taking care to not drip or touch the potion like his father had told him too. He had two more vials to go when he heard someone screaming right behind him. Startled, he dropped the remaining potion on the ground. He whipped around and looked for the source of the noise. He checked Snape's office door and saw that it was still closed. Breathing heavily and with his heart racing, he turned back to the potion and winced when he saw it eating the soles of his shoes. Stepping away from the potion mess, he kicked off both of his shoes. He shivered and groaned, he knew that his father was going to be so mad at him.

But he was not worried about that right now. Who was screaming or what was screaming?, he wondered. It sounded shrill and it seemed to cut into the deepest part of your soul. Harry shivered. His soul felt like ice and he felt and saw darkness creeping around each corner, of each shadow.

All of a sudden, his dull headache increased sharply. He slapped his hands to his temples and shook his head, trying to rid himself of the pain. He felt that someone or something had taken over his body.

_The stone….Must get the stone for my master….Dumbledore! The troll….._

Harry was biting his arm to stifle his screams. Tasting blood, he started to seize up. He opened his eyes and looked up at the ceiling. He had to stop whatever was taking control over him. He had to stop it from getting this stone.

He felt as if a black sludge had taken over his brain and he quieted down. He got up and walked to the classroom door.

_I am so close, I must hurry….the fool will know soon enough…__**The Dark Lord shall rise again**__!_

And then another voice joined the first one. This one sounded vehement.

_Must protect her children…Where is the phoenix?….he must stop him…I can't stop…._

Before he knew it, he was running. He was running fast, not realizing where he was going or what he was doing.

**A boy possessed**.

He arrived at the third floor and saw a figure moving. It was just in front of him. The coldness started to enclose him, seeping into every pore, every cell of his body. He could reach out and touch it. But he hesitated. Should he?

He wanted to.

He was going to.

His hand reached forward and was about grasp the figure's robes when another one collided with it. Harry stumbled back and watched as spells flew. He couldn't hear what was being said. In a daze, he stumbled back and shook the sludge from his mind. Looking around, he realized that he was at the forbidden third floor and that there was two people fighting in front of him. He gasped but they didn't seem to hear him. He ran back to Snape's dungeons and shut the classroom door.

Breathing heavily, he leaned against the door. He felt tears rolling down his cheeks.

He trudged back to the desk and sat down on the floor. He was tired and his head had started to pound again. He slowly drifted into unconsciousness.

XXXX

Severus Snape was sitting in his office and getting ready to walk to the Halloween feast. He checked the classroom to make sure Potter was not making a mess of things and walked up to the Great Hall. He wasn't planning on staying for the whole night. He was just going to stay there for a few minutes. He didn't want to leave the brat by himself for very long.

**Who knows what kind of trouble the boy would cause?**

Sitting down, he poured himself some wine and got a little bit of everything. When he was about to leave, Quirrell burst through the doors of the Great Hall.

"TROLL! TROLL!… IN THE DUNGEON!… Thought you outta know…."

Snape watched as pandemonium broke out. Students were screaming and the teachers were looking dumbstruck at the fainted form of Quirrell. Dumbledore stood up and whipped out his wand.

"SILENCE! IF EVERYONE WOULD PLEASE NOT PANIC! Perfects take your house to the dormitories. Teachers, if you would follow me to the dungeon."

The students filed out the door with scared, pale faces. As the students left, the teachers stood up and followed Dumbledore to the dungeon. Looking up, Snape saw that Quirrell had slipped off. Snape dropped his food and ran out the back door. What was Quirrell playing at?

He ran as fast as he could and watched as Quirrell pulled out his wand and was about to perform 'Alohomora'. He jolted forward and slammed into him. He wrestled the wand out of his hand.

Pinning Quirrell to the ground, Snape panted and his voice shook with rage.

"Thought you could fool me, Quirrell?"

"Sev-Sev-Sev-Severus. Wh-Wh-What do y-o-o-ou mean?"

"I know it is you Quirrell. I can smell traitor.", Snape bent down and whispered in the man's ear, "I know what you are hiding."

"I-I-I d-on-on-on't know what you m-m-m-m-mean. I was tr-tr-trying to get the tro-o-oll…."

"Pitiful excuse Quirrell."

Getting off the stuttering teacher, he held his wand pointed at the man and lead him to the Defense classroom. He grabbed him by the collar and threw him into the chair, with the wand pointed directly at his face.

"I am watching you."

He threw the man's wand at his feet and whipped out of the classroom. He didn't see the malevolent sneer that spread across the trembling man's face.

"And _I _am watching _you_, Severus."

XXXX

Snape flew to catch up with the teachers. He seemed to have forgotten all about the Potter brat.

XXXX

When everything seemed to be in order, Snape limped back down to the dungeons. He had tore up his leg in the scuffle with Quirrell. Remembering Potter, he prayed that the boy had just sat and waited. Or left, he didn't care. He would punish him tomorrow.

Opening his office door, he plopped himself in the chair by the roaring fire. He got out a shot glass and poured himself something strong. His leg was throbbing and he was battered. He wanted sleep. After downing the glass, he looked around and saw the boy wasn't there. Oh well, he thought, I'll go see what damage the whirlwind has done to my classroom.

He got up with a wince and walked to the classroom door. Wrenching it open, he almost fell over from shock. Lying there on the floor, with dried blood on his face, was Potter.

He rushed over and checked the boys pulse. It was slow and steady. Breathing a sigh of relief, he looked around and saw the spilt potion. Gritting his teeth, Severus whisked away the mess and turned back to the boy.

He looked closer and saw that the blood was coming out of the boys eyes. He was crying blood! Feeling panicky, he gently felt the boy's forehead. It was burning up. He shook Potter.

"Potter. Potter. Potter, wake up."

**Nothing.**

The boy's head just rolled from side to side. He needed to get him to the infirmatory. He lifted him up and carried him to the fireplace. He noticed how light the boy was and how small he seemed to be.

**He seemed to fit in his arms perfectly**.

"Poppy!"

Poppy Pomfrey rushed out and took one look at the boy in Severus' arms and whisked him away.

"What happened?"

"I haven't the slightest clue. I left for just a second and when I came back, he was lying on the floor. The boy must have hit his head on the table or floor."

Running her diagnostic spells, she grimly looked at the boy in front of her. She didn't know what was wrong except a low grade fever. She went to go get some potions. Suddenly, the boy gasped and looked straight up with a blank stare.

Severus walked closer and watched as the pale boy shivered and stared. Looking closely, he saw that the boy was not responding to the various potions that Poppy was spelling into him. He stared into his eyes hoping to bring the boy out of the trance he seemed to be in.

"_Legilimens."_

Severus winced. It was complete chaos inside his mind. He quickly withdrew and not looking away from the boy's face, he said in a urgent tone,

"Poppy, we need Dumbledore. This is out of my hands."

Hearing her flooing and calling for Dumbledore, he slowly stepped away from the bed and moved his gaze to the ceiling, wondering what mess the boy had got in when he left.

"Severus, what did you see in his mind?" Dumbledore said in a rigid tone.

"I felt too much, Albus. I didn't see anything. It chaos in there."

Dumbledore looked at Harry who started to alternate between convulsing and freezing. He laid his palms on the boy's temples and said in a soft voice yet hard tone,

"Harry. Harry. Come back, Harry."

"Professor?"

He watched as the boy slowly relaxed, closed his eyes and leaned his head into the hands of the headmaster.


	7. Wasted Away, I See You

_Blink. Blink._

With lethargic movements, Harry opened his eyes and stared at the blurry shadows on the ceiling. Somehow, he couldn't remember where he was or what had happened last night. Tracing the shadows on the ceiling, he became dazed. Last night felt like a hole in the back of his brain. It was as if he hadn't existed at that point in time.

As he rubbed his eyes, he felt a familiar sickening cold. He reached for his glasses and scrambled off the bed. Backing away, he looked around with wild eyes hoping no one had seen him. As his trembling hand enclosed around the cool door handle, Harry heard a voice to his left.

"What?"

"Not what, Mr. Potter, but yes ma'am?"

"Sorry ma'am. What were you saying?"

"Get in this bed this instant! I was up too long last night for my patient, who was in horrible shape, mind you, to be gallivanting around Hogwarts!"

"Sorry."

Seeing the effect that her tone had on Harry, she softened her glare and said in a calmer voice, "Now, where were you planning on going looking like that?"

Harry looked down and realized that he didn't have a shirt on and there were bandages around his feet. With his eyes wide with fear and his face burning with embarrassment, he climbed back into the infirmary bed. He trembled and looked regretfully at the door. He couldn't let anyone know of his freaky "problem" but he didn't want to upset Madam Pomfrey. She had apparently looked after him and he wasn't used to that. It felt nice to know that someone cared for him even though he felt that he didn't deserve it.

"Now that we are settled, just take these potions and Professor Dumbledore should be here in a moment to have dinner with you."

"What?"

"We have been over this Harry. Now let us try this again…"

"_Sorry_, Madam Pomfrey. Why is Professor Dumbledore coming to have dinner with me?"

"He would like to speak with you about what had happened last night."

"But…"

"And! I hope that you are respectful and use your manners. Now, relax and take those potions."

With trepidation, Harry reached over, grabbed the vials and choked back the foul tasting liquid.

He couldn't breath. He didn't even remember what had happened last night, so how was he supposed to answer the headmaster's questions? Not only that but he was supposed to eat a _whole _meal in front of him. Just the thought of food made him queasy. Panic clouded his mind and he shot up out of bed. With a crash as the empty potion vials hit the floor, he started to run to the door again. He just couldn't face the piercing blue eyes of the headmaster!

"Mr. Potter! Good lord, boy! Calm down!"

"No."

As Madam Pomfrey sputtered with rage, Professor Dumbledore walked in with a tray of food. "I suggest, my boy, that you do as she says."

Freezing, Harry stared into the twinkling blue eyes of the headmaster.

"Now, Harry."

Without looking away from Professor Dumbledore, Harry climbed back under the sheets and turned his head away. His pale hand found the crease of sheets and he nervously played with it. Professor Dumbledore spoke quietly to Madam Pomfrey for a few moments and then turned back to Harry. He smiled and his eyes twinkled with pity as he looked at the pale, confused boy. He knew this was going to be hard for him.

"How about some dinner, Mr. Potter?" Professor Dumbledore laid one tray of food on Harry's lap and placed another on a table in front of him.

Harry stared hard at the edge of the plate. Somehow, he was going to have to figure out a way to eat this and keep it down. He watched as the brown gravy ran down the side of the chicken. He wanted to puke right then.

".."

"Please, sir, call me Harry."

"Well, Harry, would you explain to me what happened last night?"

He took in a deep breath to settle his churning stomach and looked up into the smiling and patient face of the headmaster.

"I…"

Harry averted his eyes to avoid those eyes. He always felt uncomfortable looking at Professor Dumbledore. Something never seemed right about him even though he seemed to genuinely care for Harry. It's not as if he felt like Professor Dumbledore was a bad person but he just knew that he couldn't trust him.

Harry was rarely wrong.

Putting on his best brave face, he whispered, "I don't know what happened last night, sir."

Sneaking a look at the headmaster's face, he saw that he was deep in thought while he sipped from his goblet.

"Ah. I need to know the truth, Harry."

Dammit, thought Harry. Chewing on his lower lip, he pushed around the food on his plate. What was he supposed to say? He didn't want to lie. He sighed. Uncle Vernon was right. He would always be the freak no matter how much he tried to escape it.

After all, you can't escape what you truly are.

"I guess it looks like I am the…again," he whispered to himself.

"Excuse me?"

"I can't tell you what happened last night because I don't remember. Its as if I wasn't there at all."

"Are you sure?"

Looking Professor Dumbledore straight in the eye, he said in a firm voice, "Yes, sir."

Professor Dumbledore never in his life felt this uncomfortable. There was something about this child that he had never seen before. Every time this boy looked at him, he felt as if his soul was being put on display for the world to see. He now understood what Severus was talking about

Those eyes….Oh they change the meaning of heaven.

He watched as Harry pushed the chicken around his plate. He became worried. The boy was not eating like he should be. The only thing he attempted to eat was the broccoli. Looking into his face, he saw the deep, black circles and the creased brow. He had a haunted look about him and a demeanor of someone much wiser then their years.

"Harry."

Harry looked up with tired eyes and waited for the headmaster to continue. He didn't know that this would change the course of his future.

"Harry, I think that it would be wise for you to be taught Occlumency."

"Sir, what is Occlumency?"

"You shall know when the time comes for your first lesson. However," with a twinkle in his eye, Professor Dumbledore leaned back and spoke the next sentence with caution, "I think that you should be taught by someone you are comfortable with."

"Who will be teaching me?"

"Professor Snape, Harry."

**There wasn't any use in keeping his dinner down then**.


	8. Don't Believe In What Happiness Says

Severus Snape was livid. In all his years of knowing Dumbledore, he had never heard a request that was so preposterous, so nonsensical. What could the fool be thinking? _Obviously_, about the greater good. Severus knew this ludicrous scheme could only mean one thing; that he was supposed to get to know the boy and then, by a slim chance, become one of his many captivated admirers.

Damn, James Potter.

Even in death the man seemed to still torment him. His feelings towards Harry Potter would not change. He hated the boy. No matter how much Albus Dumbledore planned and schemed to change his mind, he would never swerve his opinion.

The boy would never make a follower out of Severus Snape.

XXXX

Every cell in Harry Potter's body ached.

His mind contemplated the possibility of having to spend almost every night with his father. He couldn't do it and no matter what Professor Dumbledore said, or did, or even _forced_, he was not going to be taught Occlumency by Professor Snape. To make matters worse, he didn't even know what Occlumency was. So how was he supposed to prepare because he knew that his father was going to ask questions that he didn't know the answer to. His first potions lesson with the man was a testament to that.

Counting the cracks on ceiling, he became nauseous once more and wanted to cry out in fear and frustration. _This was supposed to be easy! _he thought with spite. However, another voice joined the first and whispered, _James Potter never said that it would be. _

Damn, James Potter.

His thoughts were interrupted by Madam Pomfrey walking towards him. She had insisted, under much protest from Harry, that he was to stay another night. "For observation," she had said.

As she reached his bedside, she tutted.

"There is no need to glare that way, Mr. Potter. It's only for the best."

"I'm not an animal."

"Then stop acting like one and sit up. There is no use in arguing with me. I am only thinking about your well-being. You gave us quite a scare when you arrived and I do not wish for you to be in that condition again. So if that means that you must stay another night then so be it."

Harry sighed and pulled his legs up to his chest. From the look he was receiving from Madam Pomfrey, he abandoned all hope of remaining small and insignificant. When he had arrived in the magical world, he thought that this was a new chance to start over and not be singled out as the freak everyone felt it was their right to snicker and stare at. Plucking at the covers, he watched as the mediwitch ran her rountine diagnostic spells.

Fixing him with an unreadable expression, Madam Pomfrey gently broached the subject that had been exhausting her conscience for the past couple nights.

"Harry, when you came in a couple of nights ago, I noticed some things that have disturbed me."

Harry froze in terror. He couldn't move or breathe or think. He longed for her to stop but he knew that willing the subject away would only make the future outcome worse.

"Harry, I know this question is going to be hard for you to answer but please do so…How did you get those scars? Specifically, the one on your back…"

"I did it to myself."

XXXX

"Get out of my sight."

The two Hufflepuff third years scrambled out of his office and raced up to the Great Hall. Severus leaned up against the desk and crossed his arms. Sneering with displeasure, he thought back to his previous conversation with the headmaster.

** "Severus, my boy, can I offer you a gummy-bear?"

"A what?"

"A gummy-bear. It's a Muggle delicacy that I developed quite a taste for. They are quite good."

"No, thank you."

Severus stared with a calculating look at the smiling headmaster, who had popped a couple gummy-whatevers into his mouth. He was clearly enjoying watching Severus squirm. He wondered if he planned these meetings out like some hormone-raged school-girl who was planning on breaking up with her latest flame. He knew this could be the only logical explanation for his calm demeanor and all-knowing smile.

"What do you want from me?"

"There is nothing I _want _from you. However, there is something that I am _hoping _you will do for me. A favor, as it were."

_Ah_, Severus thought. _I knew this was not an ordinary visit. _

"May I hear what this _favor _is before I agree to it?"

"Ah yes. Now, I am going to be direct in asking you this. How would you say your skills are with Occlumency?"

"The same."

"Would you be willing to pass on your skills to another, shall we say…a Mr. Potter, for example?"**

Dragging a hand down his ragged face, he thought about his impending doom. After leaving that office, he swore and he outright refused to teach that brat about Occlumency. There was no doubt in his mind that the boy would understand it but he knew that understanding it and practicing it were to completely opposite principles. The boy was not an imbecile , he could not deny this fact, but he was not adept to learn anything that wasn't in the books. Occlumency took a certain patience and ability that he knew the boy did not possess.

The boy was too involved in his emotions. As Severus had observed, the boy was too sensitive to negativity and was very passive and insecure. There wasn't any hope for the boy to learn this subject even though, as the scene in the hospital wing suggested, he clearly needed too.

XXXX

" Mr. Potter there is no way that you did those to yourself!"

"I did."

Harry barely restrained himself from running out the door and as far away as he could from the mediwitch.

Madam Pomfrey sighed and said in a weary voice, "Alright. I will drop this for now. However, when you would like to speak to me, you know where to find me." With a sad smile, she left the helpless boy.

Harry laid back on the soft pillows with a small sigh. He thanked Merlin that she had left. He hoped that **that **subject was closed.

For good.

Smiling at his small victory, Harry looked over at his nightstand and saw all of his books and a sheet of parchment with his assignments written on it. He wondered who would do this. Certainly not Ron because Ron couldn't even remember to tie his shoes in the morning much less what was assigned during class. He always came to Harry for that. It couldn't have been Trinti. One: the handwriting was too small and too neat for it to be hers and Two: she never wrote notes. He shrugged his shoulders. It didn't matter to him at all really, as long as he got his assignments.

He had started to tackle his assignments when the doors opened to reveal a bushy haired girl. She was walking timidly over to his bedside. She looked like she came straight from the library, with her schoolbag slung over her shoulder and her arms full of books. Harry raised his eyebrow. 'What was she doing here?' He wondered when she came up to his side and gave him a small smile.

"Hi. I don't know if you remember me but we met on the train. My names Hermione Granger."

Harry stared. Of course he remembered her. However, he couldn't understand why she was here now….

"Um, hi. Sure I remember you. I was just wondering why you are here?"

"Oh! I was…um…coming to ask how you were doing…." she trailed off shyly. It was obvious that she wasn't as bold as she acted that day on the train.

"I told your friend Ron you were here. He and that other girl were going mad, wondering where you were. They came to visit you by the way."

"Thanks."

Looking down at Harry's books, Hermione blushed and looked at her feet. Harry also looked down at his books wondering why she was acting so shy. _Oh! She must have been the one to give me my assignments_. She was a book worm after all. She was in the library as much as he was.

"Were you the one to bring me my assignments?"

Blushing even more, she quietly replied, "Yes. I got Ronald to bring your books but I wrote down the assignments for you. I thought that you would like that. I noticed that you are really focused on your grades and I didn't want you to fall behind."

Harry smiled. He liked that she has done that. He was already upset that he missed the class, he didn't want to fall behind more by not getting what he needed done.

"Thanks." Feeling like he should say more he added, "Um…its alright if you don't want to…but I was wondering if maybe you could help me with some of this… since I missed class and all. I really really don't want to fall behind, like you said……But its okay if you don't want to…"

She seemed to brighten. "Oh! That would be fine. I don't mind. I would love to help. What are friends for?" Realizing what she had said she blushed and looked chagrined.

"Thanks. I could use a FRIEND'S help. Especially one that knows what they are talking about…"

Laughing, they set to work on both of their assignments.

XXXX

Hours passed and Harry and Hermione were just finishing up a good majority of their homework. Harry liked to work with her. She was really smart but the only drawback was that she was so excited about learning that she seemed arrogant about it. Harry got to know her some because while they were working, he asked her questions and she did the same for him. He was looking forward to working with her more often. Maybe they could hang out as well. But he didn't want to push it.

"I should go. I don't want to be out after curfew." Hermione gathered her books and waved good-bye, wishing him to get well soon. Harry didn't know this but Hermione was ecstatic that she had made her first friend. She was always ridiculed because people assumed that she was arrogant and a know-it-all but she wasn't. She was just really shy and didn't know how to go about making new friends. She was very far from home.

Harry smiled. Maybe having a know-it-all for a friend wasn't so bad…

XXXX

The next morning Harry ran to the washroom and jumped into the shower. As he climbed out, he heard a knock on the door.

With a mouth full of toothpaste, he slurred, "Ya?"

"Mr. Potter you have a few visitors. Hurry up, boy."

" 'Kay."

Spitting the toothpaste out and wiping his face clean. He took one last look at himself and sighed at his hopeless reflection. He should really eat something. _Ugh, maybe not yet_, he thought as his stomach protested to the thought of food. He cautiously opened the door to see Ron and Trinti sitting in chairs next to his bed, whispering to each other. He smiled and opened the door fully and slammed it shut. He walked over, snickering at Ron and Trinti, who practically wet their pants at the sound of the slamming door.

"Oi! What was that for?"

Trinti elbowed Ron in the ribs and shush him. "Hey Harry! How are you feeling?"

"Amused."

Harry smiled at Ron, who was glaring at him for scaring him. "Whatever, Harry. That wasn't funny."

"Your right Ron."

Ron threw a satisfied look at Trinti. "Next time, don't shush me."

"ANYWAYS, moving on to more important subjects besides Ron's ego," Trinti said as Ron rolled his eyes at her, "when do you get released?"

"Now, in fact." The trio jumped at the sound of Madam Pomfrey's voice, she seemed to appear out of nowhere. "Let me check you over once more, Mr. Potter, and then I will let you go have breakfast with your friends."

Harry groaned as Madam Pomfrey did her final checkup. When she finished, she warned him that if anything happened to him again to come to her immediately. Harry thanked her and was about to reach the door when she added, "Remember what I said last night, Mr. Potter."

His eyes widened and rushed out the doors. He hoped that he never had to face her again.

"What did she say last night, Harry?"

"Nothing important. Come on. I'm starving."

"That's a first."

This time it was Ron's turn to elbow Trinti in the ribs and shush her.

XXXX

Severus Snape was so absurdly tired. He couldn't think straight. It was only the first week of November and he already felt like he needed a vacation. He knew that he felt so tired because of his lack of sleep. Before, his dreams had been the only place of escape for him. In dreams, he could choose what he wanted to be and not think about the consequences of that choice. However, his dreams were now constantly being plagued by haunting images from the past. Images and visions that were like a horror film. No matter how scary the dream became, he couldn't seem to look away, or in his case, wake up.

He toyed with the idea of going to Albus for guidance but shrugged off the idea. Severus knew from experience that asking Albus Dumbledore for guidance would only complicate the situation, even if the situation wasn't that complicated to begin with. It didn't matter how much Albus Dumbledore frustrated him, Severus couldn't bring himself to hate him. Dumbledore had shown him kindness and mercy even when he knew that he absolutely didn't deserve it.

_I'm just glad that it is the weekend_, Severus mused. He wasn't looking forward to Monday.

Severus snarled at the potions ingredients on the wall beside him. He outright told Albus that he was not going to teach the Potter boy. So, naturally, lessons with the boy would begin on Monday. There was simply not a way to make the man see reason. Without saying a word, Albus Dumbledore had managed to convince him into these hopeless lessons.

He couldn't bring himself to hate Dumbledore. However, he could hate everything that the man made him do.


	9. Coming Up Only To Pull You Under

Harry was virtually running to the Great Hall for breakfast. He wasn't anywhere near hungry; he just wanted to leave the hospital wing behind. The questioning wasn't the only thing that made Harry uncomfortable, it was the atmosphere. When he was five, he could remember having an extremely high fever and needing to go to the hospital. He remembered watching all the ill and injured people and feeling as if he was that person; he was the girl with the broken arm or the man with the cracked skull. Harry shivered with remembrance. He hated being sick and feeling the sickness all around him.

As he entered the Great Hall, he felt relieved. "Your sure your okay, Harry?"

"Yeah Ron, I'm fine. Just a little chilly. I think I have quidditch practice today…Save me a spot? I'll be there in a minute."

Waving his friends off, he walked over to a very upbeat Oliver Wood. Harry hoped that there was going to be practice today. He most definitely needed a break from his hectic week.

"Hey Wood."

Wood turned around and greeted Harry with a grin. "Wotcher, Harry?"

Harry leaned in and crossed his fingers. "Is there practice today?"

"You better believe it! We have a match next week! We need all the practice that time will allow. I am going to be pushing you hard today, so eat up!"

Fred and George groaned. They were sitting a couple of people down from where Wood was and, at the mention of practice, they came bounding over.

"Give us a break!"

"Yeah, it's not like we aren't going to win. We are playing against Slytherin, remember?"

"It doesn't matter!" Oliver looked at his team with a fanatical gleam in his eye. "Watch it Weasleys! I will be running you ragged. You need to shape up."

"You break our hearts, Wood."

"And here we were hoping that you would give us a break. Well, my fellow Gryffindors, we shall see you on the field….at what time is it Fred?"

"No idea George."

"Practice is at noon." Wood turned back to his breakfast and Fred and George walked away. Harry sighed with disappointment. Practice at noon? What was he going to do until then? Maybe Ron and Trinti would accompany him outside to enjoy the sunshine. He was sure that they were as tired as he was about being cooped up inside for the last week and a half.

Harry sat down beside Ron and grabbed some toast and pumpkin juice. "Hey guys, do you want to go outside for a bit? I could use some sunshine."

"Sure." Trinti smiled and went back to reading _Everyday Potions._ She was still helping Harry with Operation Grouchy Git, as she called it. However, it wasn't just for Harry's improvement but hers as well. She was determined to get better grades. When Ron had asked her why, she told him that she made a promise to her mother and that when she made promises to someone, she kept them.

"Yeah, do you have practice today?"

Swallowing his toast, Harry reached for another piece and said, "Yep. Wood is planning on 'pushing us hard,' as he put it. I am looking forward to it. I need something to get my mind off of what happened this week…"

Ron leaned in and gave him a inquiring look, "What did happen the other night? Did it happen during detention with Snape? Madam Pomfrey wouldn't tell us anything. Only that you needed peace and quiet."

"I will tell you about it when we are alone."

Ron nodded and went back to stuffing his face, to which Trinti looked up from her book, shook her head and grimaced.

"Oh by the way, have you guys met Hermione?"

Ron and Trinti looked up as Hermione came and sat down beside Harry. With shakes of their heads, Harry introduced Hermione to them. She blushed and timidly reached for the pitcher of milk.

Trinti smiled at her and said in her most congenial voice, "Welcome to the trio. Would you like to join us for a little stroll around the grounds after breakfast today?"

"Sure! That sounds great. I need some fresh air."

"So do we. Well…not me and Harry personally….but daywalker over here could use some sun…"

"Shut up, Triniti. For your information, I am _not _a daywalker. What ever that is."

Harry snorted into his cup of pumpkin juice and Hermione giggled.

"Whatever, Ron." Trinti and Ron glared at each other from across the table. Well, Ron was the one who was glaring. Trinti was smirking at him.

"Stop being cranky Ron. It was a joke." Ron looked at Harry and rolled his eyes.

When they had finished with their breakfast, they walked up to Gryffindor tower to grab a jumper.

"Harry slow down! We are going to get outside soon enough."

"Sorry. But don't you feel that?"

"Feel what?" They chorused. Harry was confused. How could they not feel that? The fresh air. The wind whisking away the falling leaves. The unnatural brightness of the sun. How could they not feel or see it?

"Everything."

They all looked at each other with equal expressions of bewilderment then Trinti shrugged and Ron shook his head and smiled. Hermione just looked at Harry with the look she usually possessed during class. She was dissecting him with her eyes as if he was a unfamiliar word or a potions ingredient. Harry turned away from them and started walking faster. He didn't like the feeling that he got when Hermione or anybody, for that matter, looked at him like that. He hated people scrutinizing him and trying to figure him out. When people did that, he felt the façade that he put up was susceptible to being exposed. No one should be able to get that close to him. It only lead to hurt and pain.

Harry slowed down and looked up at the brilliant blue sky. He was speechless at it all. The endless blue sky with clusters of clouds and small rays of sunshine made him feel so small but made his soul feel free. After being locked in a cupboard and sometimes the cellar for all of his despondent life, that was something he longed for. He wanted the sky to consume him and rip him from his body. For he felt that he was not meant to have a body. He was a spirit contained in a fleshy jar and he loathed being trapped. When he was younger, he spent a lot of his time just staring up at the sky. He had stared at it so much that a teacher of his once commented to his aunt and uncle during a school performance for Dudley that he had the 'sky in his eyes'. Of course his aunt and uncle wasn't to pleased to hear that and locked him away for a week and made him promise to stop. That didn't stop him though. It just made him careful.

"So Harry, why were you in the hospital wing?"

Harry tore his eyes away from a passing cloud and looked over at Ron. "I don't really remember. All I remember is…well not being there." He shrugged. "I know it sounds confusing but it was as if I didn't exist for that bit in time…."

Hermione piped up, "So what your saying is that you don't remember because you weren't there…"

"Pretty much."

Trinti snorted, "Well that clears things up for us Harry. 'Preciate it."

Harry sneered at her and Ron raised his eyebrows. Something about the way he was looking at Trinti then reminded him of Snape. Ron shook his head. _Stop being stupid, Ron_.

Hermione was also looking at Harry with a funny look. She furrowed her brow and then a look of dawning comprehension spread across her features. _She had known it all along_.

"Well, sorry. I mean I did have that headache before I left for detention. That might have had something to do with it."

"If it was just a headache, how come you had to stay for so long?"

"Dunno. Madam Pomfrey said that she wanted me to stay, 'for observation'. I felt like a freaking animal."

"It was probably for the best, Harry."

"Yeah, that's what she said, Trin."

"How come Dumbledore was there?" Ron asked. "When we came to visit you, he was talking to Madam Pomfrey about something. It looked serious."

"Oh. About that…he wants me to have lessons with Snape….something called Occlumency…"

"What's that?" Trinti asked. Harry shrugged his shoulders. "Wish I knew."

They all turned to Hermione, who looked equally puzzled. "Why don't we stop by the library today when you have practice and see what we can find? There has to be something there about it. Besides I think that we should study anyway. We do have that Charms test on Tuesday."

"Your faith in the library astounds me." Hermione contorted her face into a scowl and 'hmpfed'. Trinti smiled. She had liked Hermione from the moment she corrected Ron in Charms. _Swish and flick, _Trinti mused. She knew that she was a sarcastic piece of work but she was thankful that the other boys allowed her into their little 'golden group'. Her mother would have to be proud, knowing she made best friends with the famous Harry Potter. She snorted at her wishful thinking. No, her mother would hate it because her father would have approved.

Ron shivered. "How many times a week are you going to be having these lessons with Snape?"

"Three times a week until I succeed with Occulmency. I know Snape wouldn't want to spend any extra time with me unless it was prudent. I am not sure about the days."

"Ew. Extra lessons with Snape. Sucks for you mate."

Harry glanced at Trinti. "You have no idea."

XXXX

Harry smiled as he felt the rush of wind as he kicked off. As with every practice, his stomach seemed to turn over with every swoop and dive that he made. Breathing deeply, he felt something that he wasn't used to but longed for.

Freedom.

Being on his broomstick, he felt that much closer to breaking away from his body, his life, his destiny. He did not know how he survived without this. His cupboard walls would always mock him. The walls resonated with hopelessness and wretchedness until he felt it soak through to his bones. Flying seemed to alleviate all the years of despair that he felt had been building up within him and he couldn't get enough of it.

"Harry, get your head out of the clouds! I am letting out the snitch."

When the snitch flew out of the Quidditch chest, Harry's mind focused on nothing but the shiny, golden ball. He watched it as it flew over the Ravenclaw stands and circled around the tower. When it was finally in his range, he dove. Picking up speed, he was getting closer and closer to the ground. Grabbing the struggling ball in his hand, he soared up at the last second, barely missing the ground.

Feeling a rush of excitement, he looked over at the faces of his teammates. Fred and George were frozen with their bats suspended in the air. The three chasers, Angelina, Katie, and Alicia, stared open mouthed at Harry. Landing softly on the ground, Harry blushed and looked for Wood. Wood was hovering near the goalposts with a look of giddy excitement on his face. He flew over to Harry and grabbed him by the shoulders.

"OI! What is the deal, Wood?"

Wood stared at Harry as if he had grown a second head, "Harry, did you realize how fast you caught that snitch?"

"Well no. What was it like 15 to 20 minutes?"

Wood shook his slowly, his eyes never leaving Harry's face. "Five, Harry. Five minutes."

Harry was confused. Having never heard of Quidditch until he was received onto the house team, he didn't understand what the big deal was about. Sure he caught the snitch fast but he was sure that there was loads of other people who could do better.

"So what?"

"So what he says! So what!" Fred and George had landed beside Harry and took the snitch from his clenched hand.

"Yeah, Harry. That's a new school record."

"What?"

Wood was shaking now. A silly grin nearly swallowing his face, he looked like he had died and gone to heaven. "You caught the snitch in five minutes, Harry. No one has ever done that here before!"

"Can you believe it?" The girls started laughing and hugging Harry. Now, Harry felt extremely uncomfortable. He withdrew from the heart-stopping hugs and blushed furiously.

"Practice is over for now. I don't think I can focus on much anymore." Wood smiled at Harry and walked away with a dreamy expression of his face.

"Good going, Harry."

"Yeah, I don't think I have ever seen Wood so happy."

The team trudged off towards the changing tents, leaving Harry alone on the field. He looked up at the afternoon sky and decided to take a walk alone. He needed time to himself.

XXXX

Severus Snape was currently grading essays. Most of them were dismal attempts, as usual. Foolish children, he thought as he marked a essay with a D. Turning to the next essay in the stack, he paused.

Harry Potter.

Severus took a deep breath and read through the essay. With each line, his eyebrows rose in surprise. There wasn't any mistakes, at all. He frowned and dipped his quill into the ink. With his hand hovering over the top of the paper, he debated on the grade. He longed to mark the essay with a T for troll and watch as the boy's face fell lower then his grade. However, something in him couldn't write it on the paper. _That is not fair, Severus_, a voice whispered. He slammed the quill down on his desk and leaned back in his chair.

Placing his chin in his hand, he pondered the upcoming Monday. Damn you, Albus. His eyes lingered on the essay in front of him.

After what seemed like an eternity, he leaned forward, picked up his quill and marked the essay with an O.

XXXX

Sitting atop the astronomy tower, Harry watched as pink and purple streaks lined the horizon. He had been sitting there for hours upon hours, not thinking about anything but feeling everything. His face had remained impassive during this whole ritual but inside was a torrential storm. So many feelings and emotions raged inside of him. He felt that he was no longer in control of anything. After Quidditch practice, he spent the rest of the day wandering aimlessly around Hogwarts. He finally stopped at his favorite spot.

Today at practice, he realized that he was good at something besides avoiding Dudley and his gang. However, instead of feeling elation at his accomplishment, he felt nothing but despair. This was just another reason for him to stand out. On top of being a 'celebrity', and his secret being revealed, he was now an instant Quidditch phenomenon. The praise from his teammates made him feel like some sort of weapon. He knew that he was probably reading to much into things and overreacting but he had a knack for finding the bad in every good. He knew that every good thing came with a bad thing. Such as surviving a killing curse but becoming an orphan or the joy of finding out that he had a father that was alive but realizing that he hated him for something that he wasn't.

All he was left with now was wondering what bad thing is going to come from being decent at Quidditch.

As a cool breeze lifted his fringe, his scar became visible. He raised his hand to cover it back up but paused and slowly traced it with his fingertips. He wondered what secrets lied behind this scar. He knew there was a piece missing from the puzzle, something he wasn't told. Why did he have this scar in the first place?

With a heavy gait, he walked down the stairs. He dragged his long fingers along the stone wall. Without warning, he felt a familiar rush of whispers in his ears. Instead of panicking like before, he listened and wondered what these voices were saying. He froze with his hand resting on the wall. He listened as the whispers became decipherable. He was overcome with an enigmatic longing. It consumed him and he felt himself fall to the ground. As the longing increased, the words of the whispers became clear.

XXXX

Severus Snape's eyes flickered as he surveyed the student body. He raised his glass of wine to his lips and took a long swig. As he listened to mindless conversation of hundreds of adolescents, his eyes roved over to the Gryffindor table. He frowned as he saw that once again, the boy was not at supper. It wasn't as if he concerned for the boy's health. He frowned because he was curious. The boy's self-destructive habits should be the care of his head of house but she did not see them. No one did but Severus, for that matter. He didn't have to wonder why that was because he knew that not many saw the boy behind the scar.

Severus did.

He watched from a distance as the boy tugged at his sleeves and bit his lips when he was uncomfortable. He watched as the boy avoided everyone's eyes…except his. The boy trusted him and Severus couldn't fathom why that was. He had been cruel to the boy and hated every part of him but the boy trusted him.

He watched as he avoided eating at meals and studied endlessly. What was the boy trying to prove? It wasn't as if he had to prove anything. He already had more fame than anyone in history. Severus scowled.

He tore his eyes away from the table full of dim witted Gryffindors and looked at the headmaster. Albus looked over at him and gave a slight nod. Severus got up and left his meal. He was going to figure out what trouble the boy was causing. He was so distracted about the possibility of taking away house points and detentions that he didn't notice the ruthless glint lingering in the Defense Against the Dark Arts professors' eyes.

XXXX

Harry sat himself up against the wall and shivered with cold…or was it fear? He didn't know. He looked around him and pushed himself up. He grabbed onto the window ledge near him for support and walked unsteadily towards the entrance door that lead out onto the grounds. He needed to get out of Hogwarts.

He started to wheeze and felt panic grip his heart. As he became determined to leave, he walked faster and faster until he was all but running. His vision was tunneling in and felt as if the walls surrounding him were going to crash down. Seeing the door up ahead he flew towards it and gripped the handle. Flinging the door open, he ran out onto the grounds and ran until he found himself on the hill overlooking the Dark Forest and Hagrid's hut. His breath started to slow and he was finally able to think rationally.

He knew what the voices were saying now but the trouble was none of it made sense. The only thing that was clear was that Hogwarts was no longer safe.

_A traitor was in our midst…._

Who was the traitor? He thought about everyone that resided inside of Hogwarts and became dizzy realizing that it could be anyone. It could be a student. A picture of Malfoy sprang instantly sprang into his mind but he ruled out the possibility of Malfoy being capable of anything but disturbing the peace. The most likely possibility was that it was a teacher…

And with a look of horror, he cringed as a picture of his father sprang into his mind. He couldn't believe it. _There was absolutely no way that his father was a…a….a traitor, _he thought with hope.

_But, Harry, he does fit the general description of a villain_, a voice inside his head reasoned.

_NO_.Harry refused to believe it was his father. The man may treat him horribly and belittle him whenever the chance presented itself but he didn't believe that his father was evil. He saw himself in his father. His father had many masks and could be as vile as a snake but so could anyone.

No, there was someone else that was going to betray them all.

And Harry would rather die then let that happen.

XXXX

Severus Snape was becoming increasingly aggravated. Not only had he not found the boy but he realized that what he was doing was pointless. The brat could be anywhere. He could be in Gryffindor tower, studying, like he always was. Severus snorted at his stupidity.

_I can just take away points from him the next time I see him_, he thought with pleasure.

Passing a window, he looked over the grounds and marveled at the brightness of the stars that night. His thoughts traveled to Quirrell. He knew that he was not what everyone thought he was. He was not the stuttering, jumpy teacher but an untrustworthy pawn. He could fool everyone but Severus saw past the impression into the man's thoughts. He knew what Quirrell was after. Severus Snape couldn't blame him. The possibility of immortality and riches tempted him as well but he knew that Dumbledore had eyes everywhere. Be that as it may, he knew that Quirrell was unworthy of the stone.

His thoughts were interrupted by the figure standing a top the hill. His eyes glinted with satisfaction and he swept towards the door with the intention of taking away 20 points from the brat for being outside when he wasn't supposed to be.

As Harry's figure got closer to Severus, he wondered what had possessed the boy to be outside at a time like this. He took in the hunched figure with enmity. He hated what he saw in the boy. He hated the weakness that the boy portrayed. He marveled at the wizarding world's adoration of him. How anyone could believe that this scrawny, small, weak boy could kill the Dark Lord was beyond him.

When he was close enough to see the shaking of the boy's shoulders, he slowed his step. As if he could hear Severus' soft footsteps, Harry spun around. And Severus froze.

Those eyes narrowed and shot him a look of pure venom. Severus couldn't think, he knew what he was seeing but he couldn't bring himself to realize it.

"You," Harry whispered in a silky voice.

Pulling himself together and shooting the boy a look of revulsion, he said with a voice that held an air of superiority, "Be mindful of who you are speaking to in such a manner."

Harry cringed, "Sorry, sir. I did not mean to offend. I have a lot on my mind and I didn't think." He looked at the professor through his long fringe and winced as he saw the look of fury shadow his face.

"30 points from Gryffindor. You are not only outside when you are forbidden to be but you have clearly lost your head." Leaning in closer, he fixed his gaze with Harry's. "Never venture to speak to _me_ in that tone again. Or you will be facing relentless punishment. Understood?"

"Yes sir."

"Get inside and back to your common room before I amend my decision."

Harry couldn't move or breathe for that matter. The man was glaring at him with unadulterated contempt. Harry felt his skin boiling under such a gaze and he wanted to crawl in a hole to hide. No one had ever hated him so much and Harry had no idea why this man, who he had never known, could feel this way. He didn't even look like James or his mother. He looked like him. Professor Snape. And yet, he hated him. Harry just couldn't understand.

"Now, Mr. Potter!"

Shaking out of his trance, Harry rushed forward and out of the range of that hateful glare.


	10. Are Reaching Out For Me?

A/N Thanks for all the reviews. I appreciate all your support with my story. Now, if you haven't figured it out by now, I just wanted to let you know that all my chapters are based on a song. For example: this chapter is based on Eminem's "Beautiful". Actually my whole story was inspired by that song and another. At the end of the story, I will give a playlist. Anyways, ACCIO Chapter 10!

:]

"Hey, where have you been?"

As Harry stumbled into the portrait hole, his friends were sitting at the table surrounded by books and notes. Hermione was furiously writing and her eyes kept shifting from the parchment to the book laying in front of her. Ron was doing much of the same except he kept looking at the fire burning in the hearth, distracting himself from the task at hand. Trinti was still reading _Everyday Potions_ from earlier and had looked up when Harry came in unceremoniously.

"Nowhere important. Just thinking. How did the search in the library go? Did you guys find anything about Occulmency?"

"No we didn't Harry but you could try getting a pass into the restricted section from Professor Snape or Professor Dumbledore. I'm sure they would want you to be prepared."

"I'm sure they would but I don't really have a death wish at the moment, thank you."

Ron lifted a quizzical eyebrow. "Did something happen Harry? Just this morning you were gung-ho about finding a book and now you are acting like this will be the death of you?"

"Nothing Ron. I'm fine."

Ron snorted. He was getting tired of Harry always keeping things to himself, almost as much as Trinti was but he just wasn't as vocal about it. Trinti seemed to have that part covered. Harry would talk when he was ready and he knew from having five brothers that pushing someone to talk who was unwilling or uncomfortable wasn't going to guarantee answers. Truthful ones at least. Harry needed to feel like he could trust them and Ron was positive that Harry's trust didn't come as easy as everyone felt that it did. Harry was friendly and from what Ron had seen wouldn't hurt a soul but he could see sometimes the frighten puppy that lurked underneath the surface.

Harry plopped down on the chair in front of Trinti and pulled some of Hermione's notes towards him. Grimacing, he glanced down at them and smiled. She should be a transcriber with the way she wrote down every word the teachers emitted. He wondered what would happen if one day a teacher decided to go off on a tangent, what would Hermione do? Would she realize that she was writing nonsense or would she still merrily write without a clue about what was being said?

"What could possibly be so funny about the proper technique for changing a match into a needle?"

Looking up, Harry stared at Trinti. With a raised eyebrow, she smirked, "Well?"

"Nothing. Just remembering something." Harry shifted uncomfortably in his chair. He started to think about his recent altercation with his father. It is clear that his homework and vigilance with his studies was doing absolutely nothing to help his relationship with Professor Snape. He had no idea about where to go from here. The only thing that he was certain of was that he could not give up. In his letter, James told him that he couldn't. Harry assumed that James must have known Professor Snape on a personal level. What could have his adopted father done to upset the man so terrible that he had to take it out on his own son? _The son he doesn't even know about you idiot, _Harry berated himself.

Professor Snape undoubtedly believed that he was James' son along with everyone else. Which, frankly, Harry was glad that people believed that. He wanted a father, that much is true, but he was all too happy to have people believe that his father was the brave man who sacrificed his life for him.

As Harry looked up at his friends, he gave a anxious smile. Would Ron abandon him when he knew the truth? That his best friend's true father was not James but the greasy overgrown bat from the dungeons? He knew his best friend hated Professor Snape and that his temper clouded his judgment.

Overwrought with thoughts that constantly plagued him, he sucked his bottom lip between his teeth and reflected on things that he so desperately wanted to believe. He wanted to trust his best friend and believe that Ron would never abandon him. He wanted to believe that Ron would not judge him or think less of him because of whose son he was. Above everything else, he wanted to KEEP his best friend. But if Harry had to chose between having a best friend or a father, he knew who would win. Even if his father was a nasty snarky git.

"Guys, I want to tell you something."

XXXX

Severus Snape walked with resolute strides towards his bedroom. He was determined to not dream about anything. Not Lily. And most definitely not the infernal boy-who-lived-to-haunt-him. Some nights, he would take the Dreamless Sleep potion to ensure that he would not dream at all. But alas, the potion cannot be taken everyday. Tonight was one of those nights. But he was determined. His mind was disciplined and he felt that trivial emotions such as fear and worry were beneath him. Thanks to his years as a puppet, he knew that if he could keep the Dark Lord at bay, he could block them out.

However, there was a minuscule part of him that yearned to dream these dreams. They haunted him, distressed him and made him lose countless amounts of sleep but they meant something. He did not know the answers to why he felt this way. But not all feelings have answers.

XXXX

"What do you need to tell us?"

Harry fiddled with the edge of the parchment he was holding. Trinti already knew what he wanted to say but thankfully she acted like she didn't. He felt a kinship with her because her family life, though nothing remotely like his, was nothing to be desired. He wondered if Ron or Hermione could understand the way Trinti had. He had been so used to surviving on his own but he decided to take Trinti's advice and reach out. There were good people out there he knew. And they seemed to want to be there for him but it was difficult to believe that they would stay there. No one ever stayed there with him. He grew up to know that he wasn't worth anybodies time. Time was precious and 'precious' wasn't something that was ever used on him.

His friends sat there silently, waiting for him to gather his thoughts. However, as if sensing hesitation, Hermione took it upon herself to start the conversation for him. To which he was secretly grateful for. He had no thought on how to begin.

"Why have you been so quiet Harry?"

Harry gulped and dropped the parchment on the table. Fixing his eyes on the floor, he mumbled in a voice so diminutive that the others had to lean forward to hear him, "I have been quiet because I have been afraid. I don't know what to say. I have been afraid that if I attempt to speak, everything will come out. Everything I've been dying to say, to tell you. The things I want to say and need to say will spill out without warning, regret or caution. And for months since summer, I haven't been ready to talk."

"And you are ready now?"

"I don't know. I want to stop fighting alone though. I want to be fought for. I have run out of ideas. I had thought I did enough."

"What is it Harry? Just spill it. Nothing can be that catastrophic that we would leave you."

Biting his lip, he decided to bite the bullet and just say it. "Professor Snape is my father."

For a moment the room stayed completely silent and then Ron hastily pushed his chair back from the table and started pacing. Hermione leaned back in her chair with a small knowing smile on her face. Trinti just watched Ron pace back and forth with a scowl on her face as if she couldn't imagine how such information could be so staggering. Harry took a deep breath and looked through his long fringe.

"I know."

Harry's eyes widen with wonder. "How did you know?"

Hermione held up her pointer finger and dashed up to her dormitory. Harry watched Ron pace back and forth. He had been afraid of this. The tension in the air was thick and it unsettled him. His eyes glanced at Trinti, who had stopped watching Ron and was looking at him with sympathy. He tried to smile but her sympathy seemed worse then Ron's unsettling behavior. Sympathy and pity was the same to him and he hated both.

Luckily before the tension became unbearable, Hermione came rushing down the stairs with a book and a photo in her hand. Sucking in a small breath, she handed him the book with her finger held between the pages. She placed it in his lap and opened the book and pointed to a picture of a contented couple.

"I figured it out on my own. I have read about you and have seen pictures of James and Lily Potter. When I met you, you sort of looked…I don't know…off. Like there wasn't something quite right about you. You-"

"Ron! Stop that blasted pacing! Sit down." Trinti narrowed her chilling eyes at Ron who looked like he would like to do nothing more then to throttle her. Nevertheless, he sat down begrudgingly. He looked at Hermione, wordlessly asking her to continue.

"As I was saying, you just didn't look like I thought you would."

Harry's eyes scanned the moving photograph of his mother and James that was forever entombed in this ancient looking book. His heart caught in his throat. He felt something he hadn't felt since these people existed. Starting from the top of his head, an unutterable feeling of love and security enfolded him. As he traced his mother's face, he could just imagine her lulling him to sleep with her soft, kind words. The happiness that showed on her face when she turned to James was reassuring. She was loved dearly before she died; that's all that mattered to Harry.

"I asked Madam Pince if there was any old school archives or places where photographs from previous years was held. She lead me to this old storage room where there is boxes upon boxes of photos and rosters and annual reports…Oh! It was fabulous. I-"

"Hermione."

"Oh sorry, yes. I found a box from the years 71-73, thinking maybe that the books photo wasn't the best quality or something. But what I found was even better then I could have imagined."

She handed him a photo of a small, scrawny, kid that looked inexplicably like him without his eyes. Harry's eyes widen and his lips parted as a small gasp escaped his lips. He surveyed the stringy, pallid boy as he looked at the book on the table while he tapped his lips with his finger. The boy's black eyes narrowed and a curtain of long black hair fell over his face. His hand swiftly grabbed a bowl of a puffer-fish eyes and threw them in the large cauldron. Then suddenly a girl with a curtain of wild, red hair ran in and tugged at his hand and led him out of the frame.

Harry's eyes shot up and met Hermiones. "It's Professor Snape Harry. From his second year. You look so much like him. I'm surprised he hasn't noticed yet. Or anyone else, now that I think about it."

"I had no idea." Trinti reached forward and snatched the photograph from his hands and a cheerless smile crossed her stunning features. She met Harry's eyes and Harry felt a small niggling of a feeling he couldn't understand in his stomach. He opened his hand expectantly and she handed him back the photo. Reluctantly.

"What really appeased my curious suspicions was you. I don't think you realized but you get this look whenever Professor Snape comes around. I don't know how to describe it really…"

Trinti seemed to understand what Hermione was trying to say however. "Hope. Longing. Resolve."

"Yeah. An appeal. I don't think you comprehend that you are doing that."

"So if you knew this whole time…then why didn't you say anything?"

"I figured you would tell me in your own time. Answers come after trust." She reached over and squeezed his hand. "Besides that I didn't really work it all out until not to long ago."

Harry took all what Hermione was saying and let his mind absorb the meaning of her words. He was astounded, frankly. He had no idea that he looked at his father like that. He had no idea that he had been so transparent. What bothered him more was the reality that Hermione figured him out before Professor Snape had.

Harry clutched the small photo to his chest. _Trinti is okay. Hermione seems okay. Ron seems sick. _Harry sidled his eyes in the direction of his best friend. Ron was sitting on the edge of the chair and looking at Harry with his head inclined sideways. He had his brow gathered in the center and looked to be in deep contemplation.

"Ron?"

"I had my suspicions. I am not overtly obtuse. But I didn't want to think that about you. You're the absolute opposite to what I would imagine Snape's son to be." Spitting the word 'son' out with intensity. He threw his arms up in exasperation. "I mean, come on Harry! He is a right arse to all Gryffindors. You in particular! You may be his son but that doesn't mean he deserves _anything _from you. Not your love and certainly not your devotion. He hasn't earned it!"

Harry reeled back as if Ron had slapped him. He could feel anger and indignation rolling off of him in waves. It was overpowering. So much so that Harry had to move away from him and the rest of his friends. He felt happy that Ron thought so highly of him but sadden because he didn't seem to understand. _How could he?,_ reasoned Harry.

Hermione's eyes narrowed and she let out a frustrated sigh. This was not how she wanted the conversation to go. They had been waiting for Harry to open up and now that he was Ron was ruining everything. Harry seemed to be distraught but she couldn't tell. His back was turned away from them with his arms crossed. The way his back was hunched suggested that he seemed to be weighing something in his mind. She only hoped that he did not turn away from them for good. If he did, it would break her heart.

"He doesn't know who he is Ron!"

"So what? You believe that if Harry tells him that he will instantly feel concern for him? How can you delude yourself into thinking that? You don't think that do you Harry?"

"No."

"Even Harry doesn't think so."

"So what is it your trying to prove Harry?"

"That he deserves me. That he needs me."

Ron snorted with disgust. "The day Quirrell grows balls is the day he will think that."

Running his fingers through his hair, Harry sighed. He was weary, exhausted, and drained. He regretted bringing this up so late at night but with the start of his extra lessons coming up he knew it couldn't be avoided. Professor Snape was bound to find out the truth eventually and based on what he has seen thus far from the man, he was not going to welcome him with open arms. Most likely, he will be spitting, sneering, and absolutely horrid towards Harry. Harry needed someone there for him when it came to that. He was walking into uncertain and dangerous territory and he couldn't be alone.

He had been walking alone for too long.

XXXXX

Monday morning came to quickly for Severus Snape's liking. With a groan, he sat on the edge of his bed and ruminated on his pending Occlumency lesson with Potter. The boy did not frighten him but made him feel unnerved. While he carefully controlled his outward emotions, inside he felt a hot knot of uncertainty and trepidation. The boy was surely hiding something.

With a horrible forced smile, he yanked his robes on and left the safety of his dungeon room.

XXXX

In a cold sweat, Harry sat straight up. Gulping in air, his hand bunched in a fistful of his pajama top. He couldn't remember what he was dreaming or why he felt so scared.

His eyes caught movement at the edge of his bed. Reaching over for his glasses, he slid them on his face and leaned over to see what had fallen. The picture of his father sat on the rug. He sunk to the floor and stared at the picture. _Why am I such a coward? What do I have to fear?_

The boy in the image didn't look so frightening as the man he knew now. Harry thumbed the photo and wondered why that was. What had hardened the man? For as long as he could remember, he always pictured his father to be some sort of hero. He could not count the number of times he had stared at the open expanse of sky or into the darkness of his cupboard just picturing his father swooping in to rescue him. Like a valiant knight on a noble white steed. But this man that he saw daily was not that. He was far from noble or valiant. He berated and bullied the children he was entrusted to teach. Harry knew that if he had not gotten that letter from James before he met his father, he would have hated him. He would have never given thought to the hateful teacher who clearly never given a thought about him.

The door to his dorm flew open and a lively Trinti bounded in. Harry quickly stuffed the picture underneath his pillow.

"What the f. Trin?"

Trinti ignored his growl and rude morning greeting. Cheerily, she motioned to his clock and Harry blanched. He was going to be late if he didn't get moving.

"Your late, love. So is everyone in your dorm. I took the liberty of coming to wake you. Now get going and I'll get the rest of these eejits up." Harry grabbed his toiletry kit. As he moved to the showers, Trinti took a running leap and landed on Ron's bed. When he closed the door, he heard a loud bang and multiple shouts and swears. Trinti's barking laughter was the last thing he heard as the water streamed out of the faucet.

XXXX

"Now can anyone tell me what this plant beside me is?"

As expected Hermione's hand shot up as well as Neville's. Hermione was smart but Herbology was Neville's forte.

"Yes Mr. Longbottom?"

In a timid voice, Neville answered, "Devil's Snare, Professor."

"Precisely. Ten points to Gryffindor. Now Devil's Snare, as you can see, is composed of a mass of soft, springy tendrils and vines that have a sense of touch. The vines and tendrils ensnare anyone who touches it, binding their arms and legs and eventually choking them. Hence its name. The harder someone struggles against Devil's Snare, the faster and tighter the vines bind the victim. Where does Devil's Snare prefer to grow?"

This time Trinti raised her hand eagerly. Malfoy, who was standing off to the side of her, mimicked her motions causing the other Slytherins around him to snicker and jeer.

"Yes Miss Brown?"

"Devil's Snare prefers to grow in dark, damp areas. So therefore, fire will drive it away from its victims."

"Correct! Give yourself another ten points." Beaming Trinti looked over at Malfoy and stuck her tongue out. Malfoy glared at her and turned back to the lesson.

After Professor Sprout assigned them a foot of parchment on Devil's Snare and ways to repel the dangerous plant, she dismissed them. Harry, Ron, Hermione and Trinti followed their classmates out the door towards the castle for lunch.

Because Harry and Ron woke up late this morning, they had missed breakfast. They readily walked faster then the girls. Therefore they missed Malfoy stepping in front Trinti and Hermione.

"Move Malfoy," said Trinti contemptuously. Hermione had her hands in her pockets, holding tightly onto her wand.

"Or what? Going to get your _father ?"_

Trinti moved forward and raised her palm as if to smack Malfoy but Hermione grabbed on to her arm.

"Leave them alone."

"Ah. Weasel. What are you going to do? It's not like your rubbish wand actually works. No, actually it probably does. Your just to brainless to know how to do anything with it. Win-_gar_-dium Le-vi-O-sa." Malfoy mimicked Hermione's high pitch tone of voice and bounced with his wand arm waving madly.

Harry, who had finally noticed his friends weren't beside him, turned around and saw the scene behind him. He jogged back and looked at Trinti's pale face and glittering eyes and Ron's red-tipped ears and knew that if he didn't handle this situation fast then things would turn ugly quickly.

"MALFOY! OH MY! I HAVE MISSED YOU!" Harry placed a maniac grin on his face and threw his arms around Malfoy.

After Malfoy got over his shock, he threw Harry off of him and said, "Don't ever touch me like that ever again."

Assuming a look of innocent confusion, Harry peered up at Malfoy and said, "But-but-but I thought we had something. Something special!" Harry scrambled up off the ground and said in a voice riddled with moral offence, "You said you loved me! You lied to me!"

Malfoy flushed and his nose scrunched up as if he smelled something disgusting. Harry waggled his eyebrows and watched in satisfaction as Malfoy looked uncomfortable. He turned on his heel and marched away from Harry.

Harry smirked and turned to look at his friends. Hermione was holding her side, doubled over with laughter. Ron was leaning on her shoulder because he couldn't seem to hold himself up. And Trinti was rolling around on the ground, getting leaves in her hair, practically wheezing.

"Brillant, mate. Sheer brillance!"

Harry helped Trinti up and they walked towards the Great Hall. Hermione and Trinti bursting out in giggles from time to time.

XXXX

With each passing hour, Harry felt the weight on in his stomach get heavier and heavier. He tried to focus on his homework but his mind kept wandering to his first Occlumency lesson. He had no idea what it was or why he needed it. He didn't remember what happened that night during detention.

Harry sighed and slammed his head down on the table.

"That bad huh?"

Without looking up, Harry mumbled something.

"Sorry, mate. Didn't catch that."

Harry tiredly turned his head to the side to stare at Ron. How he wished he could switch places with him for one day. Just one day.

"Just worried. I know he is going to tear me limb from limb."

"Don't you think that that is an exaggeration?"

Harry's eyes swept towards the armchair where Trinti was lounging, snapping her gum and blowing bubbles.

"Do you?"

"Nope. You'll most definitely get torn limb from limb…Dying a horrible, excruciating death. I can't believe Dumbledore assigned these lessons. Leaving you alone with a rabid killer. How thoughtless of him."

Harry curled his lip up and snarled.

"Hey mate. That looks incredibly creepy, just so you know."

"I agree Weasley. He looks to much like a particular bat."

Ron snorted and busied himself with throwing a ball of parchment into the air and catching it.

"Don't worry about it Harry. Everything will go just fine."

"Thanks, Hermione."

Hermione beamed and buried her nose back in her book. Trinti popped her gum and blew another bubble. Harry wished that he could have no worries like his friends.

"I think you should tell him Harry. Probably tonight. Since you guys are going to be spending all this quality time together then what better way to spend it then in an a honest, open atmosphere?"

Harry looked at Trinti incredulously.

"Yeah right."

"I tell you, like I have been saying this whole time. Snape _hates _dishonesty. He is going to most likely hate the news. And his reaction will suck but he will have to admit to himself that you have not lied to him. Honesty leads to respect."

"Ha. Like Snape ever will respect anyone but himself, his potions and his slimy, snakey Slytherins." Ron threw the ball of parchment at Trinti and thumped her right in the face.

"Oi. You dim-witted prat!"

"That's for this morning. Do you have any idea what it was like to wake up and see YOU standing there?"

"A bloody blessing, you arse. Ti é piaciuto!" She winked.

"GUYS! This isn't helping Harry."

"Sorry, love."

"Sorry."

Harry rolled his eyes at his friend's antics. As annoying as they were, they took Professor Snape's lessons from his mind for a bit.

XXXX

Severus Snape sat in the shadows of his office, waiting for the ungrateful brat to arrive.

At six o'clock that evening, he heard a soft knock on his door and he breathed out a low, "Come."

He watched the extremely small and extraordinarily pale boy slither in and quietly shut the door. The young child's eyes darted from the shelves with hundreds of glass jars that lined them to the cupboard full of potion ingredients then towards his desk where the headmaster's pensive sat. Severus lips thinned. He knew what the child was doing. It's something he did when he was young. The idiot boy was looking for signs of danger.

He moved into the light and Harry looked quickly up at him, startled. Realizing the professor was pointing to the chair at the opposite to his desk, he moved towards it, tripping slightly. When his father had sat down, Harry sat down. His father's cold black eyes fixed unblinkingly upon him and he stilled even more, afraid to move. Harry studied his father's face and felt his apprehension increase as he discerned the loathing look cast in his direction. His heart dropped.

"Well, you know why you are here. The headmaster has asked me to teach you Occlumency. You proved yourself acceptable in Potions. Let us hope that you will accomplish this in the same manner."

"Yes sir," Harry whispered.

"Occlumency is the magical defense of the mind against external penetration. If learned properly, your mind shall be sealed against intrusion and influence."

Harry gulped. "Why does Professor Dumbledore think I need it, sir?" Harry's mind raced. _Intrusion? Influence?_

Severus lips curled, "Due to the _unfortunate_ detention incident on Halloween, the headmaster has come to conclusion that you need these lessons. He has shared with me your views as to what happened that night and I find that I am not surprised. Your mind was a impaired greatly. To find that you do not remember a thing only confirms the obvious."

"What happened that night, sir?" Harry held his breath, wondering if his father would actually tell him.

"I believe I have already informed you of all you shall need to know on the subject of the incident. Now, I am highly skilled at Legilimency. Am I correct in assuming that you have no clue as to what that is?"

"No, sir."

"Very well," Severus' jerked his head irritability. "Legilimency is the ability to extract feelings and memories from another person's mind."

"You mean read minds?" Harry's eyes widened and winced. His worst fears being confirmed.

Severus' eyes narrowed and he spoke in a low dangerous voice. "No, Potter. You are far too young and arrogant to understand the distinctions of the mind. The mind is not a book. One cannot 'read' it. Thoughts are not etched on the inside of the skulls, to be perused and examined by any invader. The mind is a complex and many layered thing. However, for those select few…," He tapped his long tapered fingers against the desk and Harry watched each finger as though fascinated. "Those who are skilled at Occlumency are able to shut down those feelings and memories that contradict lies and are able to utter falsehoods without detection."

Harry felt sick to his stomach. The one person that he wanted to keep his secrets from would be the one who delved into his mind and sorted through his thoughts. Harry closed his eyes as the room started to sway. _This can't be happening,_ Harry whimpered. Harry wanted to run and never look back. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen..

"S-s-so, I need to learn how to shut down my emotions and guard my memories so that whatever happened that night won't happen again?"

"Indeed."

Severus' got up swiftly and Harry winced as his father gently picked up the Pensive from the desk and moved it to one of the shelves behind it. As his back was turned, he softly stated, " Stand up and take out your wand Mr. Potter."

Harry complied and stood stiffly in an open space behind the chair. Severus studied the boy and noticed the boy was positioned in such a way that if Severus rose a hand to strike him, he would be able to dodge it and move quickly out of the office. The boy tensed as Severus took out his wand and waved it to the door, warding it.

"You may use your wand to defend yourself in any way you can think of," Severus ordered.

Harry was frozen in fear. "But sir, I do not know what you are going to do."

"I am going to attempt to break into your mind. Prepare yourself!…._Legilimens!"_

Before Harry even had a chance to sort his thoughts, his father presence invaded his mind and he yelled.

_He was four and his aunt was yelling at him for burning the toast and holding his arm down on the hot stove burner…._

_He was six and Dudley was holding his head in the toilet on his first day of primary…all the kids laughed at his wet clothes and hair…._

No. No! Stop, please….

But the attack didn't stop.

"_Nasty, little freak."_

_His uncles hot breathing on his neck….the clunk of a belt hitting the floor…._

"STOP!"

Breathing heavily, he was crouched on the floor shaking with pent up emotion. He did not want to look at his father.

"Mr. Potter. If you are quite done with the theatrics, please stand up so we can continue."

Harry got to his feet unsteadily. Severus was watching the boy with a mask of cool indifference. _Ah, bravery at last._

Harry set his mouth in a line and quickly set his face in an impenetrable expression. Raising an eyebrow at the boy's antics, he slowly raised his wand and hissed, "Again. _Legilimens!"_

_He was looking out at the small crack of light from underneath the cupboard door….listening to the clinking of cutlery…holding his groaning stomach…_

_He was watching his friends laughing at his handling of Malfoy…_

_He was asking Percy about who was that man at the head table and being confused by the look of hate the man gave him…_

_He was laying on the cold, dark floor of the dreary shack reading a letter from James…_

To his horror, he felt his father pressing further into the memory, trying to view the whole thing. He pushed his hands out and connected with soft fabric. He pushed but the presence in his mind was unrelenting.

'…_I wanted revenge but seeing your mother so distraught, I vowed to claim the child as my own, and raise him to be everything that your real father would hate. I feel ashamed for what I have done for revenge. So I must ask you to do a favor for me. Harry, I implore you to tell him, tell your father of your existence. Please correct a prideful man's mistake….' _Harry knew it was coming; he braced himself.

'_The name of your biological father, Harry, is Severus Snape.'_

The presence retracted from his mind blindingly fast. Harry didn't have a chance to recover before he felt hands seizing his robes and throwing him to the floor.

The world tilted and he looked up at his father. Severus was standing there looking at the spot where Harry once was with his hand still in front of him. A muscle twitched unpleasantly in the corner of his mouth and he clenched his hand even tighter. He looked to be at the border between completely losing it and self-control.

"Potter," he said quietly.

Tentatively, Harry met his father's eyes from underneath his long fringe.

"Get up!" Severus barked. Harry rushed up and braced himself for the inevitable 'spitting, sneering, and horrible behavior'. Harry watched a vein at his father's greasy temple flickering horribly; the edges of his sallow face turning a nasty brick color.

"Sir, I-"

"SILENCE, YOU STUPID BOY!," Severus' roared looking suddenly deranged. "GET. OUT. NOW!" The vein flickering even more until it was practically pulsing.

Harry seemed to be frozen on the spot. His feet had stopped working. Everything stopped working.

Severus' moved forward, his robes billowing out behind him and grabbed Harry's shoulder in a pincer like grip. His fingers dug into his shoulder and that jolted Harry out of his stupor.

Severus pulled Harry toward him till their faces were inches apart. Baring his yellowish, uneven teeth, and his eyes glinting madly, he hissed, "Get out."

The door banged open and Severus propelled the boy out the door.

Harry closed his eyes as he felt the swoop of the door slamming in his face.


End file.
